Modern Day Spinster

Hello again hello

2007-08-21T16:34:00.000-06:00

Wow it's been a long time since I've been back here. I feel like I just picked up my journal from the shelf and can pick up where I left off. Well easy readers I've been a busy graduate student. I can't believe this is my second year of madness. If I could only find my ID card, it would bring my world back to balance.

My life has been basically filled with me and my nose in a book or near a computer typing my little heart out. There were no new contestants over the summer. There was one possibility but it fizzled out. All I had to remember him by were the charges on my cell phone bill for all the text messaging that conspired between us.

Some changes have gone on since I last posted.BJ,Zach, and Minnie have moved to the coast leaving Chicago behind. They had a hell of a time trying to sell the house. That is until the saint came into play. Which saint? Of course it's Saint Joseph the patron saint of house sellers. I thought I was going to have to go deep into religious bookstores to find one but all I had to do was go to the local hardware store to find one. It was the best eight dollars I ever spent. I went with Zach in the backyard and together we dug the statue in the backyard. Less than two weeks later they had a firm offer.

Fred,Ethel, and I miss Zach very much. It feels weird to drive by his preschool and know there is no reason to stop by. No more spring festivals or trick or treating. Until this past weekend I still had a booster seat and a bag of books in the trunk of the car. It feels weird to see it all clean. Now if only the cleaning mode would transfer to other areas to my life.

That's it for now. I'll try to post when I get my work done. Hopefully it won't be more than six months.

You're Gonna Carry That Weight

2007-02-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

It's official B.J. is headed to Coven Country. Part of me is happy for him because he hasn't been with what's going on for him here. My parents are keeping a stiff upper lip about it. I didn't think it was going to affect me but a Beatles song came on the radio and I started to cry thinking of him and Zach being so far away.

Unlike B.J. I have to bloom where I'm planted. Sometimes I feel so stuck. Other times I feel worse. Classes have been very hard this semester. Hey to some they might be blow off classes. If I could have that option, I would have more fun. It just sucks that I'm always a step behind. Story of my life. It's not so much a complaint as it a statement of fact. I have a paper due in a few days and I'm supposed to whip flawless designs along with them.

Local news featured a community college class called how not to marry a jerk.It's a government sponsored program. Gee thank you George Bush. Have some Macy's Frango Mints.

Can You Take Me Higher?

2007-01-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

This semester is just bananas. Jack Frost is nipping more than my nose. I was so glad to find a store that had some thermal underwear left. It took me three stores before I found tops and bottoms. Sheesh. Note to retailers: This is the land of the windchill factor. That means you don't make your stores ship back inventory that they can still sell because IT'S STILL WINTER. Did the scientists involved with the global warning issues leak some information to you? Even Bessie the monkey from The Beverly Hillbillies, knows that you don't send back until after President's Day.

My body is just aching all over. I had no idea the arts could be a way to lose weight. Between the anxiety over professors and projects, I'm on my way to a smaller self. At the end of the day, I'm surprised I'm still able to make it back home. When Prof. X, asked me what I thought of something, I replied, "Whatever you think is fine by me." Nothing says respects like getting barked at by your drill sargeant err instructor. It's just draining the life of me.

It's really cutting into my laundry time. This is the second time in a month that I had to go shopping because there was no time. Last night was another example of impromptu interruptions. I was all set to go out when Ethel gets a call from her brother. She offers the information that I'm available to work the dvd player to see more adventures from the motherland. It ticked me off. All she had to do was say that I was anywhere but there. But hey she's just Ethel. I went out to the frozen tundra and found what I was looking for. I was so tempted to picked up a must have dvd. It's the limited edition (aren't they all?) of Pride and Prejudice. The version I love is the one starring Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle. I don't know why but it's my generation's version. I know a couple of years later another version made it to the big screen but it just wasn't the same. But I had to say no because higher learning was calling my name. Drat. Just the same I may pick it up this weekend since I have a coupon.

Then there was the free food giveaway on campus. It was a make your own sundae bar. I took a break from the trenches and walked down there. Par for the course there was a line around the block. As much as I wanted to have some ice cream I knew I could do without it. So it was right back to the drawing board. Put don't give me a gold star just yet. After dinner, I munched on some twizzlers.

In local news, some pregnant lady is going to the Superbowl because she put a temporary tatoo of ubid.com on her belly and will walk around with it in Miami. I hope there are no side effects from the ink.

Congrats to the folks who fixed the Tute's Lions helmets. The cold just cracked those suckers down the line yesterday.

Bitter days

2007-01-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

To the easy reader from Moscow:

I hope you found what you're looking for after reading so many pages of this blog. Feel free to say hi the next time you stop by.

This semester is no fun at all. It's all work of the pita nature. I'm starting to question everything and it sends me into another anxiety spin. I finally reached the point of no return. I have to do laundry or else I start wearing my Sunday best to campus. Not that I don't enjoy showing off my fashion skills but not when I have to go to a messy lab. Everything thing I made today was total crap and I junked it all. I have no clue how the heck I'm supposed to get this project done in a week. There's no book, no guidelines, and a template to guide my way. It's not helping me, dude.

I'm just totally frustrated.

On The Outskirts And In The Fringes

2007-01-22T19:02:00.000-07:00

Normally, I don't double post but I had a really rough day and just needed to get it down on paper. After today's studio class I'm starting to question my skills as a human being. Everything I made just stunk to high heaven. There are ancestors from the motherland who are spinning in their graves because I sucked so bad. As far as I'm concerned it's pinchpots for Hitler. I have no clue what to do. Part of me just wants to drop out. I'm so freaked out about this. I can't take my usual route of overeating and it's killing me. Everyone else around me was building masterpieces and all I could come with is shit. I'm so frustrated that I haven't mastered this skill that everyone seemed to have on their first try.

We're Just Here To Do The Superbowl Shuffle

2007-01-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

CHICAGO BEARS ARE NFC CHAMPIONS!!!
BEAR DOWN MIAMI WOO HOO!!!

Gee can you tell tell how stoked I am about todays win? Somehow I feel that Papa Halas and Walter Payton were sprinkling the snowflakes over Soldier Field during this game. The team has worked so hard together all season to get to this point. Tom Jones gets extra mention because he wears a tattoo of Betty Boop on his arm. You go boy!

Since the Bears are heading down to Miami, could the Bears organization please finally get around to giving the '85 team their championship rings? Ante up and fork it over. It's not like you can't afford it. Besides it will make you look bad down in Florida if everyone is talking smack about you being such cheapskates. Do the right thing so you don't jinx the SuperBowl. Thank you.

I was glad I was able to share the moment with Fred and Ethel. In a interesting turn of events, Fred admitted to saying a prayer before the game started. I knew he was a true believer after all. It was a good thing I finished most of my errands yesterday. Boy the shoppers were out in force because of today's game. Jeez, this does put me in a quandry of sorts. My Sister's Closet usually has a Superbowl sale every year. I wonder what they'll do this year. Hmm.

It's total mayhem. Every radio station is playing "The SuperBowl Shuffle". Total classic.

You Might Enjoy The Madness For Awhile

2007-01-17T19:07:00.000-07:00

I come to you in 2007 a shinier and happier Starla. I just didn't think it would be good karma to spew negative energy out into the void. I survived New Year's just fine. Instead of ringing in the New Year with Dick Clark. I spent it watching the camp classic, 200 Cigarettes. It's a great flick. Rent it.

Well I'd like to say that I spent my free time productively but that didn't happen. I watched all 59 episodes of "Are You Being Served?". That britcom was absolutely bloody brilliant. Certain episodes had me in stitches. Part of me wonders if I'll go the route of Mrs. Slocombe and just have a pussy as a pet when I get that age. All in all it's a must rent if you have some free time on your hands.

I played catch up with the show that's all the rage "Ugly Betty". What can I say, I love it. I'll just have to get the first season on dvd because this semester brings another chance for me to miss good shows. Thank you Cats for telling me about it.

I really didn't get that all into the Golden Globes. I don't know why but it just doesn't do anything for me. Perhaps it's a sign of maturity or just that I could care less about the foreign press association. Isn't it usually a gimme that if you win a Golden Globe that your chance to win a Oscar is piss poor?

I had a chance to look back at last years resolutions. I was amazed that I followed through on some of them. I'll get this year's list up sometime soon. I am making one change that I didn't think would happen so quickly.

Like all of the other fat Americans out there, I think I've turned the page on healthcare. Part of the reason I didn't feel like posting was that I wasn't feeling well. There was a point where I was having chest pains, center and little to the left, for about a week. I was scared shitless that I was having a heart attack. Since that episode all is well. I guess when my body heard that I was actually going to drag my ass to a doctor, it decided to heal itself. Think of it as the same premise as when you have great hair days just after you've scheduled the appointment at the hair salon. Add to the mix, my sleep patterns are off kilter. I'm waking up two to three times a night. The sudden awakenings are followed by mini anxiety attacks. Hopefully I'll get back on track with that.

The health mode also includes me making a life change. Something I had debated on posting because it's something I'm not proud of. On New Year's Day at Uncle Maxim's annual dinner I had a fat person's moment with furniture. Let your head fill with ideas because I'm still to ashamed to admit to the chain of events. Luckily, I didn't get hurt and the few people who were witnesses just let it slide. For that I will always be truly thankful to Uncle Maxim and Aunt for their kindness toward me. One of B.J II's friends described the set up as a dinner party. Since I've always had to go, I just thought of it as a command performance.

Thanks to Oprah, I've joined the latest diet. It's called Bob Greene's the best life diet. Here's the website for it. You can join for money. I went the other route. I bought the last book Border's had and a daily planner. From the moment I first read the book, I haven't been able to put it down. At least I have gotten farther than I did with Dr. Phil's Weight Loss book. I love Dr. Phil but there's no way I could get past the part where you set up your support system. This time around it's very sensible and everything is spelled out. Greene explains the importance of vitamin supplements AND exercise. I love how you can stay at a certain phase for as long as you need and not the other way around. Slowly, I have been making babysteps.

Classes are back in session.

All Through The Year

2006-12-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'm still in the blue funk. I didn't see the point of posting anything to just ruin the spirit of the season. In a way I'm glad I'm not going out on amateur night. The increase of drunken drivers and recklessness of at least one idiot shooting guns in the air to celebrate is enough to keep me off the streets. Like other holidays that are overrated at least one couple will break up tonight somewhere because tonight didn't live up to the hype.

As far as resolutions go it's the usual mix in an added dose of getting 4.0's this year. I am truly grateful for the blessings of this year.

May all easy readers have a happy and fun New Year.

Chestnuts Roasting Over An Open Fire

2006-12-24T14:25:00.000-07:00

Here it is Christmas Eve and I just can't get into it the spirit. I don't care if I have to watch It's A Wonderful Life over and over. Part of it is because I stepped over to the dark side yesterday. I went into a Macy's. Now before I get called to the carpet on my disdain for Federated Stores I had to go under duress. B.J. told us to get Minnie a gift card from there. Actually his first boy suggestion was to get her French perfume. Um, you don't know what her signature scent is but because I share the same girl gene I'm supposed to automatically figure that out. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I saw some cute Coach boots way out of my price range. It killed me to see Frango mints with a Macy's box on the cover. So I picked up a different Frango Mint box. I would have splurged for the Godiva but no one was at the counter. The saleslady was very nice and patient. Parking was great. I just stopped in the middle of a parking lane and waited for anyone to come to their car. I waited about five minutes and poof a spot opened up just for me. I almost went window shopping but I thought why bother. Everything is going to drop to half price on Tuesday. That's where the real mania will begin. But I won't get to join in the fun because I'll be with Ethel at p.t.

Jeez sometimes men are so much easier to shop for. B.J. just tells me what colors he wants and unlike me doesn't change his size. Fred always gets pajamas. For the first time in eons I found Ethel a gift she finally liked and would use. A flannel housecoat. But she didn't want me to wrap it up she wanted to wear it now. She doesn't even want me to wrap Zach's gifts just to hand him a bag. Gee where's the fun in that?

I'll be wrapping tonight so I won't have a repeat of last year. Sometimes it's good to prepare in advance. Part of me wishes I didn't have to go out for the faux love fest. It makes me miss Ethel's sister who always brought joy whereever she went.

In the relative department, Fred touched base with his brother who back in the motherland. When it came time to talk about me, instead of telling him about how I got into grad school and the awesome grades I earned all he could say was, "Starla is still fat.". WITW was he thinking? I am more than just the excess weight. It realy hurt me that's all he could say to his brother. What a mean thing to say!
I cut his time in half today at the Jewel by introducing him to the self-checkout lane. Then Fred went on about how his great nephew is going to be a multi-linguist. It's not that he's a genius. In Europe, they are teaching children multiple languages in response to the global economy. Instead of No Child Left Behind, Bush needs to focus on introducing the a,b,c's of different countries at the little red schoolhouse.

At least, Ethel let me know what I was in for tonight. Cousin _______ is pregnant with baby no. 3. I'm happy for her and pray that the future baby is happy and healthy. Part of me wonders what difference my degree will make to the world? It's one of those slippery slopes where the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

I'll Be So Blue Just Thinking About You

2006-12-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

I miss my hat. Yep, I said it. On Monday, when it was that combo of warm/cold outside, after grocery shopping I left it in the front passenger seat because I thought "eh, why bring it in, it's nice out". Stupid, stupid, mistake. The next day I go out to the car and it wasn't there. In its place was a Wal-mart bag. The kicker is that I hadn't been to that store in weeks. My blue and white speckled wool hat that I knitted by hand has been absconded by the great beyond. I'm pissed off. I've had that hat for over four years. I started knitting it when my mom was in the hospital. I have ripped the inside of the car and the trunk looking for it. Now I'm going after my place. I don't know why it would leave me. I loved that hat. Granted it went with nothing I wear but it didn't matter. It was unique and a starla original. I grow more frustrated each day passes by and it is not found. You know that I loved you, right? We went everywhere together. You're immortalized on film because of that picture I had taken with everybody after class. I'm sorry if I ever did anything wrong to hurt you. Please come back. I've heard of people stealing car radios, hubcaps, engines, tires, but a hat? This is so whack. I'm totally buggin' over this.

Now that the weather is rainy yucky out, I will have to go back to the yarn shop and make another one. I don't want to get caught without a hat. On that cold day this week, I went outside without a hat. I ended up getting a headache and the sniffles. I wasn't planning on starting any project because OMG IT'S 4 DAYS LEFT OF SHOPPING 'TIL CHRISTMAS!!! but I refuse to have my head uncovered. I tried an old hat I had but it's a tight fit and that's not good for circulation. When I see the blizzard conditions in Denver it scares me. When I think of shoveling my way out to freedom I shudder.

I'm so excited that I get to watch another night of Grey's. Life is good. Thank you God and Jesus.

The Stars Might Lie

2006-12-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yippee it's another Bears win. I didn't have the heart to watch another nerve-wracking game. I like that we'll have home field advantage during playoffs.

This weekend was touted by horoscopes as the one where Mr. Soulmate was to appear. Surprise, surprise when that didn't happen. I feel like I believed in the Great Pumpkin and got bupkiss in return. I don't know why I put my eggs in one basket. But with classes over I needed to find something to occupy my time. Why not, focus on the nonexistent lovelife?

The meet with mr. potential never happened. He called over two hours late and still expected me to see him. Um, no I don't think so. Then we rescheduled for the next day. Well fate decided it was not to be. We were ambushed by Uncle OG and his dvd of his excursion back to the motherland. Three hours later he was merrily on his way. But I was an hour late touching base with mr. p. Oh well.

I spent Saturday night at a small get-together in my old hood. I had forgotten what a pita parking was around there. My parking karma just sucked big time. Just as I thought, "I'll park by Green Mill and cab it over.", lo and behold a parking spot appeared. There might not have been alot of people because of the parking situation but I had fun. I surprised myself that I could carry on a non-school conversation. You just get into the mode of academic wordspeak and it's hard to shut down. I'm glad I just had one drink. Limits need to be put in place for a reason. One of A's roomates got schnockered. It was fun to watch. Even funner was when her one co-worker showed up. She claimed she didn't like him. Then why invite someone you can't stand over. Gee that makes total sense. The end of the evening turned into comedy because I couldn't remember which street the car was parked on. I had been driving down side streets for so long that I couldn't remember where it was. After some time, it was found and I was on my merry way. I almost went out afterwards but decided against it. Granted I could have gotten in the cheaper cover charge since it was after midnight and I looked the part but just didn't need it.

It Doesn't Cost A Thing To Smile

2006-12-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!!! The semester is over. Papers have all been turned in and on time. I almost headed to campus in my jammies because it had been eons since I had done laundry. But that will be taken care of today. I was so happy to see Grey's Anatomy last night. I didn't even care that it was a rerun. It just means that I actually have free time on my hands. I get to read whatever I want for fun.

I really do believe that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. I received another rejection letter from a potential gig. It didn't even bother me. I was glad because I don't think I would have been able to get all of my work done with an additional yank in my chain. As far as I'm concerned it's all good. I didn't really want to head back into the black hole of retail anyway.

This weekend begins my way back to socialness. Tonight is a possible dinner date with a new mr. potential. Then tomorrow is a small get-together and a possible stop to one of my favorite places in the city.

Baby it's cold outside

2006-12-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

Actually it's a whole lot of stuff. On the drive last night, I was priveledged to have one of IDOT's salt trucks escort me some of the way home. That sleet was no fun to drive. I thank my lucky stars that I got home before 11.

This morning I was awoken by the sound of thunder and lightening. They weren't kidding about the snow. I almost threw my back out twice when I was shoveling. Like everyone else I was out of practice. Luckily the snowplow came by or else I still would be shoveling. I have to share this part. Fred was so mad about what happened last year, he shouted to mr. plow. "Clean out the gates!!!". He meant to say clear the streets and I was beside myself laughing.

As with most snowstorms,our sump pump chose to die.I have to give alot of credit to the city and state for a super job of keeping the streets clean. Too bad I can't say that for certain drivers.

Hey Lady in the Lexus,

Every weatherperson and newsperson IN EVERY STATION IN THE STATE OF ILLINOIS said proceed with caution when you drive today. That means you don't drive with your cellphone in your hand. The streets are bad enough without your phone call about absolutely nothing causing a pileup.

The grocery store was jammed with customers. I felt real bad for the cashiers. At least this time there baggers available. Fred pitched a fit because I refused to follow his route out of the Home Depot. I'm sorry but I'd rather take the long way out than go through a unsafe short cut. Hey there's always option B. Get to steppin'.

Everything was cancelled today. I wish I could say the same thing for this weekend. Le sigh.

Have a great month everybody!

Counting My Blessings

2006-11-26T21:09:00.000-07:00

I was feeling a bit guilty for not posting over Thanksgiving break. I just threw caution into the wind and ignored everything I was supposed to do. I needed a spring break of sorts. Although visions of beaches of sand and sipping tropical drinks sounds good. I thought if my blog can be found by using the word Thanksgiving then I better do something about it.

This years festivities were bittersweet for some of us. Minnie was still ticked off that B.J. didn't get the out of state gig she wanted for him. That way it would have been more convenient for the coven to gather for the holidays. So logically,she locked herself in her room and talked on the phone until B.J. finally got her to come to the table to eat. Such lovely manners and she's the one who's supposed to be the bright one. Yeah right. Zach was great as usual. But the poor little guy got shy when it was his turn to say a small prayer. He got over it by having a tantrum at the table. Minnie kept calling him a brat while he's crying in his room. Bitch don't you know when you diss your own kid, karma brings back a strand of body hair that you lasered off. He wouldn't of choked if you had helped him memorize something or anything for that matter. She was just snarky the entire time. Being bitter is never an accessory that is in style. No matter if there's a Tiffany bow on it. She really cemented her feelings when I told what I was planning for next year. "That really won't matter because we won't be here next year" snarked Minnie. Keep in mind that the heffa had no problem eating the cream of chicken soup from scratch, turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy that were all cooked by my father.

As for this year, I was glad that I had another year where mom and pop were around to share the holiday. Zach and I had fun by wearing silver bowls on our heads. Hey don't knock it, if you haven't tried it. This will probably be one of the last times we will get to do goofy stuff like that.

Earlier last week, Zach and I went to see Casino Royale. Whoever was in charge of the opening graphics deserves some kind of Oscar for that. Overall I'd give it 2.5 out of 4 stars.

I have to give a shout out to the protesters outside of Macy's on Black Friday. You go people!!! There has been a drop in sales over there. Gee I wonder why.

I'll post back when exams are over for the semester. Egad where has the time gone.

You're Dangerous, 'Cause You're Honest.

2006-11-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

Ever just have one of those days when you're caught off guard? All I wanted to do was meet with the advisor and talk about next semester's classes. This is what happens when you blow off orientation. Nice touch. While I'm in Mr. Tribe's office I asked more question than he could answer. He's new to his job. As one classmate said, "no one wants to see him get fired because he's getting acclimated". Point taken. I mention that I plan to email Dr. Peace about a class sequence. Mr. Tribe says, "Let's go to her office it's just down the hall." It's days like that I wish I didn't have diarrhea of the mouth. Well, today it's down at the other end so hopefully the fun will end soon.

I was just stunned. I was a total deer in headlights. She just intimidated the heck out of me. Then my flood of the mouth still continued. But the more that I talked to her, the less afraid I became. She's totally awesome. I can understand her way on things much better after this chat. The prophecy did come true though. I choked on the first quiz. I cannot afford to fail. It's going to be another late night with Dr. Pepper and Little Debbie to get me through.

The one thing that keeps getting repeated to me whenever I go to see a professor or professional on campus, "I want to help to see you succed." I'm not used to the positive self-esteemness. It's not that other professors weren't positive influences. It's just that it feels like it's been so long that someone was in my corner cheering me on. I like the feeling.

Shopping with Fred is three hour long grudge match. At one point, he totallly flipped out because I was going to crush the paper napkins in the trunk. Unless paper napkins are on the endangered species list at PETA I didn't see what the big woo was about. He ran into some of his buddies and chatted it up. If anyone has a need for olive oil just let me know. Next year, I'm buying him a olive tree to avoid the middleman.

In other news, hi Hollywood I hope you enjoyed reading my blog.

You'll be okay, Follow Your Heart

2006-11-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

Wow, I had forgotten how long it had been since I've updated this blog. So much has been going on that I have no idea where the time goes. No sooner than Fred is on the mend, Ethel falls down the stairs, hits her head and breaks her arm in two places. She refused to be taken to the hospital for a day. The next morning as I'm about to leave for class she decides she wants to the emergency room. I made the mistake of telling to call B.J. for ride since I had to go. On the way to campus, my cell phone goes off. B.J. calls to say he left a message on my voice mail and proceeds to give a 20 minute lecture about how certainly couldn't take our mother to the hospital. He was fit to be tied. After I came back from class, I took Ethel to the emergency room. Before we left I made sure both of us had a book to read, I was not about to become responsible for entertaining her while we had to wait our turn. The er experience was hilarious. The staff totally recognized me from the last time I was there. This time I was totally cool about the whole thing. I was telling them to take their time since I had a book to read. Au contraire. They take Ethel immediately to x-ray where they confirmed what we all had suspected. The entire staff was very attentive to Ethel. It was kinda cute. Thank you Nurse S. for getting us food. It was the best tasting turkey sandwich and apple juice that I 've had ever. Then seven hours later we were finally sprung. With copies of x-rays and after a stop at the late night Jewel to fill a prescription for Vicodin we were headed home. There have been times where their demands are taxing but I'm just taking in stride. Very zen way to be.

Can I just say grad school is totally kicking my ass. I am rising to the challenge and will fight tooth and nail to keep a stellar gpa. I was chatting with a classmate after class. We reminisced about the undergrad days where you took turns with your friends to attend class to take notes and showing up to class with a hangover from the night before. I feel that I'm exactly where I need to be for me. So if I'm not posting as often as I used to, please understand that until finals are over next month. Things might be quiet at my little spot on the interweb.

There's even slight dating news to report. I had a cyberdate last week. It was four hours of fun. Long-distance Louie joked how he was going to be a zombie the next day. I bombed the quiz I had that day. So we're even.

In retail humor, there's a certain cosmetics company that's selling a Christmas nightlight. However if you don't read the fine print, you'll swear you're looking at a Christmas dildo. It's the first thing I thought when I saw the picture. While I'm on the holiday subject I'll give my nickel spin on a bone of contention.

Hey retailers and radio stations,

Christmas is December 25. Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving. When you do the math, it makes no sense to start Christmas ads AND Christmas music playing November 1. I almost left my groceries in the middle of the store and walked out the music was getting on my last nerve. I feel sorry for anyone who has to work in a store where the "holiday station" is on during business hours. While I'm at it, the idea to open stores on Thanksgiving night for a "midnight madness" sales sucks big donkey balls. It's obvious that the marketing and advertising geniuses who came up with this strategy aren't the ones who'll have to work that night. I'm all for getting a good deal don't get me wrong but not at the cost of my sanity. I doubt you'll be getting much customer service from the sales people who were ripped away from their Thanksgiving tables so they can sell you something that will most likely get exchanged the day after. I'd like to see the CEO, CFO, and other grand poohbahs in the retail sector give up their serving of pumpkin pie and work a holiday shift. I doubt they could handle it.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is in three weeks. Bears, I'm sorry for the loss. It'll keep you humble and make you motivated for next week.

Muzak

2006-10-10T13:35:00.000-06:00

So much shit going on. Prioritize. Blah. Blah Blah.

Turn The Lights On

2006-10-08T22:59:00.000-06:00

5 - 0 Bears are on their way.

I didn't have a chance to watch the game today. I was running around doing grocery shopping. Harried Hospital's Home Care rep assumed Fred wouldn't be sent over the weekend. Guess where I was when I got the call yesterday to go get him? Waiting in line at the tile store. This week's Grey's Anatomy episode had great one-liners about caregivers from Dr. Christina Yang (Sandra Oh). I don't know how the Thursday's ratings are shaping but I like the Friday scheduling. GA and then Men In Trees.

I have this bizarre heartburn that won't go away. It won't let me sleep or relax. I've tried every way I could think of short of standing on my head to get this burning/heaviness off of my chest. No, it's not a heart attack. All of the pains are center and veer to the right. Midnight and awake.

I could go into gross detail about the hole in Fred's skin where the bedsore used to be. It's packed with gauze soaked in saline and he won't let me change it. I'm grateful that at least it didn't hit bone.

You Missed The Starting Gun

2006-10-05T08:47:00.000-06:00

If feels like it's been ages since I last posted here. I can't believe it's already October. It's not usually a good month for me since it's an anniversary of several bad past experiences. But I'm willing to keep an open mind about it. Thus far though it's keeping the usual m.o.

No sooner had Fred gotten home than he went back into the hospital. Because of possible legal moves, let's just say it was a result of his prior recent hospital stay. It pissed me off while B.J. was very non-chalant about the whole thing. I always appreciate the long dragged out lectures he gives me but all I keeping thinking is I'm never going to get that time I lost listening to his diatribes back am I?

With some free time and procrastination, I followed the path of others before me. I googled the names of people I knew from my younger days. A girl I knew who cheated her way in high school now is married with 2.5 kids on the North Shore. Did I mention the fact she also has the tony part-time gig downtown? I found out that my best friend from high school has moved from the west coast and now lives in Packer country. The boy who I had my first dance with is alive and well with a woman who makes him happy. The majority of people have moved on with their lives and are official grownups.

I reflected upon this information with some sadness. It seems like everyone except me got the memo on how to get to the rest of their life. Some classmates I don't envy however. They've experienced the death of one of their parents. I'll figure it out one of these days.

A Semi-Charmed Kind Of Life

2006-09-26T20:11:00.000-06:00

Well Fred's out of the hospital and back to his regular schedule of rants. Ethel sent me with the wrong size shoes for him when it was time to be discharged but as you know it's my fault. Out of character,B.J. had time to be driver for Fred. He was so out of it driving. He kept missing streets and adding to the length of the trip. I knew better so for once I kept my mouth shut. Fred was all shits and giggles to B.J. on the ride home. It just kills me how all B.J. has to do is just show up and he's golden while I've knocked myself out with visits. Email from my instructor about my very late paper. Oh yeah I can feel the joy in response to that hot mess.

Fred now has enough doctors to have a posse. Deal with that Sean Combs. The pharmacy really hit the jackpot when I showed up with his list of new meds. I caught up with the latest O mag.

Even with Fred back with us, this is just the start of hard work yet to come. His loss of driving priveledges is going to turn me into a soccer mom for the geriatric set. Not to mention the number of extra office visits I'm adding to my routine. Ethel and I toasted a bon voyage to the silence over toast and sausages this morning.

I'd like to give a special shout out to the doctors, nurses, cnas, dietitians, chaplains, and janitorial staff. These past days just flew by with your help and support.

Just A Touch Of Love

2006-09-19T20:40:00.000-06:00

The power of prayer has been amazing. Fred is still in ICU and oxygen but the ookabillion other tubes and needles are out of him. I'm reading up on about his special installation and he can't lift anything. Tonight I feel so screwed about everything. The increase in caffeine isn't helping matters. I feel like having a good primal scream just to get it out of my system. I thought about pulling it in the hospital parking lot but I didn't want to freak out security.

There's a strong possibility that Fred may return home this weekend. We are so not equipped to handle him. He's still disoriented. Today he didn't follow the conversation. He asked me questions like "Did your dad go to the mall?" My heart just took a nosedive. I stayed on top of the nurses to make sure he was situated before I left for the night. I'll tell you one thing. I'm not doing anymore double day visits. I'm totally spent and still have a paper to crank. I'm so panicked about not getting it done. I cannot drop the ball. I feel alone in the fact that it's up to me to do everything. Oh how I envy the sex and the city types. Life is one pseudo mini drama.

I picked up some interesting information from Cousin Dew and Uncle Bubba. Both of their daughters are going through some sense of entitlement selfishness. Because they are in their twenties they think it's up to daddy to bankroll their rock n roll lifestyle. When did it become a requirement that everything had to be bling bling and there be no consequences? Uncle B. went on to tell how his daughter had anorexia/bulimia because her friends kept telling her she was fat.

It's only Tuesday and I feel it's been longer.

Dear God

2006-09-14T14:40:00.000-06:00

Yesterday at the hospital just sucked big time. Having to see Fred in restraints and on the oxygen mask just knocked the wind right out of me. Every time he said he'd be good he'd just to back to ripping the mask right off of his face. I had a good cry in the waiting room for about a half an hour. Last night when I was cleaning out my purse I still had my tissues in there and they were still damp with tears. My heart just wasn't into doing much of anything. Minnie was no help either. When I asked her for any words of wisdom on how to deal with this she had nothing to say on the subject.WTH kind of logic is that? There were a few moments of comic relief.

Fred spit out the pills the nurses tried to give him. When the nurse asked him if he would behave himself if she took off the restraints, he said "NO!". A for honesty. God bless him. That's my pop.

It was divine providence that BJ called to tell me that Fred was intubated and moving to intensive care unit. My nerves are just fried at the moment. I may go back to smoking during this ordeal. My appetite is shot anyway. I've been turning more and more to my faith. It annoys me that the local church hasn't stopped off one of the priest but maybe the hospital chaplain dropped the ball. It could happen.

I find that going to classes is providing a good diversion for me. It's been a challenge to get back into the rhythm of studying. I feel back for not getting back to certain people because I just don't know what to say. At times I'm afraid I'll just muddle into a weeping Wanda. I think this once a day cry thing is par for the course.

You're The End Of My Rainbow

2006-09-11T22:11:00.000-06:00

This has been such a bizarre day. It was typical in that I ate my bran cereal and had my cup of coffee. I got ahold of Dr. Curious to tell him about Fred's health problems. They were severe enough to get him a sameday visit. In typical Fred fashion, we took the roundabout way to get there. I held my tongue because I knew Fred wasn't feeling well.

Even though it was raining out, I managed to remain calm. During the office visit, Fred changed colors and had problems breathing. The cardiogram was the clincher. He needed to get to the closest er and fast. We couldn't wait for a ambulance so it was Fred and me in a game of beat the clock to get to the hospital. Fred took it in stride. On the outside I was composed but on the inside I was totally freaking out.

I'll say this for Haul Ass Hospital. They are on top of their security. I even had to wear a badge just to hang out in the emergency waiting room. The cnas who came to take them to his room rattled me a bit. One woman was training and Fred was her guinea pig. At one point they were having a disagreement, I just felt like saying, "Bitches step aside and let a real cna show you how it's done."

After we got to the room and he was tucked into bed, it was time for the dreaded call to B.J. He was so non-chalant about everything. In the waiting room I wanted to scream, "He's your father you jackass. Show some fucking concern and quit playing."
You know darn well that Minnie and coven would have flown at break neck speak on their brooms to get to widow Hanna. Argument number two was about going to class. I really didn't want to go. Okay part had to do with the fact that I didn't finish the assignment. But I just felt it was wrong.

When Ethel was in the hospital, she had people visit her around the clock. I didn't like the idea of Fred being by himself. Ethel had the same attitude as B.J. Like mother like son.

I'm just not ready to give Fred up. As sappy as this sounds, I love being daddy's little girl. Granted daddy has his moments of being a pita but so does everyone else. I want to hold on to his stories. He's so getting recorded for posterity along with Ethel.

Somehow I found the strength to crank out what I needed and headed to class. I had the most superb parking karma. By the time I got out of class, visiting hours were over. I was able to listen to the message B.J. left for me. I don't care what he says, I'm still going over to see him tomorrow. I did drive thru for dinner but I didn't enjoy it. Food doesn't hold the say joy for me anymore.

If you read this post, please say a prayer for my dad. Thank you.

Bear Down Chicago Bears

2006-09-10T19:45:00.000-06:00

Final score 26 - 0

The last time the Bears won like this against the Packers was in 1991. It was a beautiful thing to behold. Everyone did their job and worked together as a team. Aside from the hard work, the Big Guy decided the FIBs could use some joy after what happened yesterday.

That's right Easy Readers Marshall Field's green has now become Macy's red. With Carson Pirie Scott hitting the skids, State Street will almost become unrecognizable. It's bad enough that the Palmer House is getting rid of the awnings. I almost went down to the protest but B.J. and Zach stopped by for a unscheduled day long visit. Even with the action in the place, I managed to read 70 pages for class. I have several assignments already due and feel like I'm playing catch up. I missed out on another job because they wanted someone younger. No nevermind to me. It just gives me a better opportunity to find a better gig.

The day before yesterday I had a choice of going to get a prescription filled or going to get my books because time was running out. I keep forgetting not everyone keeps late hours to stay open. At least the campus library keeps normal college hours. That was one of the things that annoyed me about a couple of colleges that I attended is that there libraries would close at 9pm. I can understand a public town library but not a college one.

Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting

2006-09-02T20:53:00.000-06:00

It's at times likes this I wish I could tap into my inner Madea and go to town with a chainsaw on some furniture. If this were the sixties I could call it performance art. The title of piece would be called "Hillbilly schooling Hoochie Mama Goldigger".
I cannot believe the shit that comes out of Minnie's mouth the moment I leave her home after babysitting Zach so she can get plastered with her cronies.

I could devote yet another long post and point out the obvious. But she only gets a this paragraph. I've got news for her. If she shoves coal up her ass it won't come out diamonds, it's still going come out shit. She called me and my extended family a bunch of "white trash hillbillies". Hmmm. Let's do the math and count the diplomas. Here we go. There's 6-MD,4- JD, 4- MBA, 21- BA and 1 AA.I'd say that's not bad for a bunch of hillbillies. These are the same people who have shown nothing but love and respect for Minnie. Go ahead and bar me, Fred and Ethel from this weekend's family event. Uncle OG knows who and what you are along with your loser sidekicks.