Why Can't We Be Friends?
You know, I don't know what I'm waiting for. No clue as to why I do what I do. I've always joked that I could spent a week on Dr. Phil's couch to figure out what I need to do.
Yesterday I planned to take Ethel to get some testing done. These were walk-in outpatient testing. No appointment was necessary. However Fred decides to throw a fit that we were late. Mind you Fred has taken her only to TWO appointments tops throughout this whole thing.The cycle of anger displacement filtered down to me. In my mind I feel I don't put up with it. I know I verbally try to defend myself. I refuse to get on the road and sit with morning rush hour traffic when it can be avoided. The hospital is not going to pick and move to Wisconsin without telling anyone.
Ethel has a nasty habit of talking trash about me within my earshot. She tells Fred at the kitchen table that I've gotten a late start and I'm too slow. I called her on it while we were driving. In the past three years of taking both of them to their scheduled appointments I've pretty much been on time, give or take five minutes of lateness when averaged. I'm not a idiot. I'm not lazy. I have ADHD as well as being bi-polar. Just a few added bonuses along with having pcos. I could think of better things I could have stood inline for than having these undiagnosed mental health issues growing. Yes it's my bag. Moving on.
With no good deed going unpunished, I've had a rash on my chest since New Year's Day.I'm suspecting it's the pound cake concoction that was sent home with us from Aunt Freddie.
Fred is not taking care of himself. I'd love to hire a private investigator to find out where the hell he goes when he leaves the house. Because he almost blew off a appointment, I found out by his admission that he and his buddies go out and leave their cars at the mall. His insulin levels are fluctuating so much lately that it's like walking on eggshells to gauge his mood.
Today is no exception. I tried to stay out of his way but that didn't happen. It's my responsibility to do laundry for them. I tried to sort clothes yesterday so I could just get it done today and he wouldn't let me. I ignored him and walked away. This morning he totally freaks out why it wasn't already started and has Ethel just thrown whatever into the washer. Then she's pissed at me that I didn't start it on time. WTF??? I don't understand this self-sabotage deal they have going on. This isn't the first time this has happened. When the clothes come out dingy because they weren't sorted then all of the blame is heaped on me. She whines that she didn't want to use bleach. I start to ask her why she continues to do this (I know, stupid of me because it's not like a lightbulb is going go over her head) Fred yells at me to leave her alone and I tell him it doesn't involve him and to butt out. Fred steps into the kitchen,grabs me by the arm and starts to twist my wrist and threatens to hit me if I don't show them respect. I knock my hand out of his grasp and tell him when he does hit me I'll have him arrested for assault. I walk away to leave and his line of I'll throw you out flows out of his mouth as easy as melted snow into the sewer drain. I've love to walk away from all involved and let them implode upon themselves. I don't need a guardian angel to show me what their lives would be like if I weren't here. It just doesn't matter anymore. If I'm selfish then so be it. I want my soul to have some peace. I have nothing to show for my life because I've put others first.
I've tried to channel my frustration but it's not working. Those losses on eBay are a blessing in disguise.
Yesterday I planned to take Ethel to get some testing done. These were walk-in outpatient testing. No appointment was necessary. However Fred decides to throw a fit that we were late. Mind you Fred has taken her only to TWO appointments tops throughout this whole thing.The cycle of anger displacement filtered down to me. In my mind I feel I don't put up with it. I know I verbally try to defend myself. I refuse to get on the road and sit with morning rush hour traffic when it can be avoided. The hospital is not going to pick and move to Wisconsin without telling anyone.
Ethel has a nasty habit of talking trash about me within my earshot. She tells Fred at the kitchen table that I've gotten a late start and I'm too slow. I called her on it while we were driving. In the past three years of taking both of them to their scheduled appointments I've pretty much been on time, give or take five minutes of lateness when averaged. I'm not a idiot. I'm not lazy. I have ADHD as well as being bi-polar. Just a few added bonuses along with having pcos. I could think of better things I could have stood inline for than having these undiagnosed mental health issues growing. Yes it's my bag. Moving on.
With no good deed going unpunished, I've had a rash on my chest since New Year's Day.I'm suspecting it's the pound cake concoction that was sent home with us from Aunt Freddie.
Fred is not taking care of himself. I'd love to hire a private investigator to find out where the hell he goes when he leaves the house. Because he almost blew off a appointment, I found out by his admission that he and his buddies go out and leave their cars at the mall. His insulin levels are fluctuating so much lately that it's like walking on eggshells to gauge his mood.
Today is no exception. I tried to stay out of his way but that didn't happen. It's my responsibility to do laundry for them. I tried to sort clothes yesterday so I could just get it done today and he wouldn't let me. I ignored him and walked away. This morning he totally freaks out why it wasn't already started and has Ethel just thrown whatever into the washer. Then she's pissed at me that I didn't start it on time. WTF??? I don't understand this self-sabotage deal they have going on. This isn't the first time this has happened. When the clothes come out dingy because they weren't sorted then all of the blame is heaped on me. She whines that she didn't want to use bleach. I start to ask her why she continues to do this (I know, stupid of me because it's not like a lightbulb is going go over her head) Fred yells at me to leave her alone and I tell him it doesn't involve him and to butt out. Fred steps into the kitchen,grabs me by the arm and starts to twist my wrist and threatens to hit me if I don't show them respect. I knock my hand out of his grasp and tell him when he does hit me I'll have him arrested for assault. I walk away to leave and his line of I'll throw you out flows out of his mouth as easy as melted snow into the sewer drain. I've love to walk away from all involved and let them implode upon themselves. I don't need a guardian angel to show me what their lives would be like if I weren't here. It just doesn't matter anymore. If I'm selfish then so be it. I want my soul to have some peace. I have nothing to show for my life because I've put others first.
I've tried to channel my frustration but it's not working. Those losses on eBay are a blessing in disguise.
posted by Starla Spaulding @ 9:39 AM
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