Express yourself

Any attempt to keep this day holy, perfect, peaceful, and sinless was shot straight to hell. This is courtesy of the United States Postal Service. Apparently, there are thieves working at their Des Moines, IA location. I would have been better off sending the package by either carrier pigeon or pony express. Good grief, I could have hopped on a Greyhound bus with the item in hand and dropped it off myself. It would have taken less time than it did right now. Not only do I look like a two-faced liar. I have to explain why as well. Did Jim-Bob and Zeke really think I was gonna let this one go? Oh I don't think so. Furthermore what's the deal with the 1800 numbers for them anyway. It's disgusting that we've routed government customer service jobs overseas. Postmaster General you should be ashamed of yourself. I was routed to 5 different numbers that were no where near close to Des Moines but were in the state. Then I had some postal lady tell me to wait 30 days before filing a report. Are you smoking crack? No wonder the government is going to hell in a henbasket. Yeah right. No doll, you go right ahead and watch the world go by with my taxes for 30 days. I'll do the legwork.

Then came my brilliant idea of taking Fred and Ethel to see Zach. I need a cartoon hammer so I can beat myself over the head several times. Fred has a habit of when he goes to the local mall to sample ALL the mens' colognes on the counter. Ethel has a penchant for eating sardines. She refused my offer of a breath mint. I had to open the window because I thought a cow had died in the trunk. B.J. and Minnie must be having some domestic issues because Zach was yet again constipated. It only happens when he gets stressed and little kids internalize everything. We went to watch a Bob the Builder movie I had gotten him. True to form, it was nowhere to be found. Hell's Bell's, if you're going to regift my gifts why not have the tits to tell me you don't like it and I'll credit MY account. It's not my lot in life to be your personal shopper for the ookabillion parties Zach gets invited to. Then she begs to go pick up 2 bottles of mineral oil but B.J. only gave me enough money for one. The Bank of Starla is off limits to you Minnie. I've had it. I can't fathom why 2 grown adults have to pass the buck as frequently as you two do.

The ride home was a total PITA. Fred shouted and cursed the entire ride home. We almost got into a accident. Thank you Guardian Angel for protection. Of course everything is my fault. I've clenched my teeth so hard to control myself, my mouth hurts.

At least my day did have a happy ending. I was able to pick up the book I needed for book club next month.