Now Just Stand
Welcome to my anxiety attack. Have a seat. Apparently as a grown-up now when I procrastinate my body goes into guilt mode which leads to me wanting to sleep. I've been avoiding doing this and I can't figure out where the fear factor is coming from. Il destino even has people literally calling me about this and part of me just doesn't want to deal. My anxiety was so bad that I even asked Minnie to help me on this piece. Oh, how low did I go? smh.
I've tried the let's-do-everything-else-but-what-you're-supposed-to approach and that's just annoying. The sea monkey is just getting bigger and bigger. In my mind it's B-movie sci-fi proportions. I have to do it today because my evening is otherwise occupied. I've been trying to make all sorts of excuses to avoid exercising. I sabotaged myself by eating some cookies. This fear of success stuff is kinda scary. I'm sure someone somewhere thinks it's stupid but if you're reading this then have a glass of STFU 'cause it's my blog. Go get your own.
Where did the summer go? I just feel blah kinda stuck. My feet are in cement and my hands are flailing around. Wasted energy is not a good thing. This morning was a prime example. Fred had a temper tantrum over the case of the missing corn. He was accusing everyone under the sun of taking it. I mini-napped through most of the verbal assault against me. I still hadn't had my cup of courage yet. When he started raging on Ethel who had looked through the frig with not a ear found I decided to investigate. The corn was in the frig on the first shelf behind a large container of leftover pasta. Mystery solved. Fred couldn't let it go. He went on and on about the injustice. Oh the humanity. It's days like today when it's going to be extra special. I had to hang out while Ethel showered just in case she has a fall or something. Fred comes in after he had puttered outside and starts screaming at me about what a lazy ass I am. I know I'm supposed to be the bigger person and be all patient but doncha know my give-a-damn was missing at that moment. His manic phases are really going on for longer stretches than usual. It's really sad that it happens. But it further frustrates me because he and his doctor refuse to do anything about it.
I totally want to go off on B.J. when he tells me to stay out of their bickering. I want to say, "Hey idiot, I know the difference between when they're having a disagreement and when Fred is having a manic episode. Can you say the same thing jackass?" I don't think so.
The current debate for me is to whether apply now for grad school or wait a year. I'd be more than happy to start now but I need a paying gig to do it. Frankly one with tuition remission. I know I'm being redundant but still I keep praying.
Good grief it's lunchtime and really should get something done. Can we add an extra 12 hours to the day please? Thank you.
I've tried the let's-do-everything-else-but-what-you're-supposed-to approach and that's just annoying. The sea monkey is just getting bigger and bigger. In my mind it's B-movie sci-fi proportions. I have to do it today because my evening is otherwise occupied. I've been trying to make all sorts of excuses to avoid exercising. I sabotaged myself by eating some cookies. This fear of success stuff is kinda scary. I'm sure someone somewhere thinks it's stupid but if you're reading this then have a glass of STFU 'cause it's my blog. Go get your own.
Where did the summer go? I just feel blah kinda stuck. My feet are in cement and my hands are flailing around. Wasted energy is not a good thing. This morning was a prime example. Fred had a temper tantrum over the case of the missing corn. He was accusing everyone under the sun of taking it. I mini-napped through most of the verbal assault against me. I still hadn't had my cup of courage yet. When he started raging on Ethel who had looked through the frig with not a ear found I decided to investigate. The corn was in the frig on the first shelf behind a large container of leftover pasta. Mystery solved. Fred couldn't let it go. He went on and on about the injustice. Oh the humanity. It's days like today when it's going to be extra special. I had to hang out while Ethel showered just in case she has a fall or something. Fred comes in after he had puttered outside and starts screaming at me about what a lazy ass I am. I know I'm supposed to be the bigger person and be all patient but doncha know my give-a-damn was missing at that moment. His manic phases are really going on for longer stretches than usual. It's really sad that it happens. But it further frustrates me because he and his doctor refuse to do anything about it.
I totally want to go off on B.J. when he tells me to stay out of their bickering. I want to say, "Hey idiot, I know the difference between when they're having a disagreement and when Fred is having a manic episode. Can you say the same thing jackass?" I don't think so.
The current debate for me is to whether apply now for grad school or wait a year. I'd be more than happy to start now but I need a paying gig to do it. Frankly one with tuition remission. I know I'm being redundant but still I keep praying.
Good grief it's lunchtime and really should get something done. Can we add an extra 12 hours to the day please? Thank you.
posted by Starla Spaulding @ 11:28 AM
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