The morning after.

I missed chatting with friends as well as mr. potential because of what happened last night. I had a beer and went to sleep hoping to be able to let go of last night. I'm still debating whether to post last night's draft. I'm soooo tempted. Dammit I woke up and I'm still pissed off. I've never been so upset that I've had body parts tense up on me. It's at times like this that I wish that I didn't stop smoking. Compusively binge eating is out of the question because I can't afford it. Nor can I shop till the pain goes away.

I believe today is finally the day I finally pack up the stuff collected from the "Hey I Have Too Much Crap" tour. I know why I've held onto it for so long. Because everytime I get into the zone of accomplishment, there's a knock on the door. The gimmes just spew out from them.
"Don't forget, I have a doctor's appointment."
" You need to drop this off at the post office."
" Pick this up at the store 'cause I'm too busy, you wouldn't mind?."
" I need help getting ready. You're making us late, why aren't you ready?"
" I want to show off your place, can't you clean better?"
"I guess I forgot you said you wanted to do laundry which is why I'm using the machines now."
" Talk to the doctor's office I can't figure out what they want."
" I know I said I didn't want to go anywhere, but I've changed my mind. "
"You can change your plans just this once."

Then there's the cell phone calls. Bitch-in-law banter. Fake interest in what is going on with me. Never inviting me to do anything and bragging about it later. All of the pseudo emergencies. Spinning details and changing stories and where is can yak at me till it suit her. Then if I say a word." Gee I gotta go. M'byeee". I love British slang. Smug married cow. That goes for her and the rest of her coven.

I can't believe Fred and Ethel expect me to forgive them. Oh hell no. I do believe I've reached a new level in super-major-pissed-overdrive courtesy of that level of harrassment. I didn't appreciate them telling my brother and his wife the lie that I cried on the drive home. Yeah right. I was so enraged I was lucky that I didn't cause an accident. There would have been sympathy for the carjacker, mugger, or rapist after I was through with them. I've passed the level of crying. My body just goes numb. Sometimes my delayed reaction time works for me .

Won't Be Fooled Again.

Today's entry is dedicated to those who've been told you're no longer worthy. This point of information on the interweb is for people who I've helped in their time of need.

I cannot believe you had the fucking audacity to yet again deliver the following diatribe.

"Life will go on without you. No one cares what you do. I'm prepared to go on after you've ended your life. If you're ever in trouble, I will not help you because it won't be fair because it's not my responsibility to do so. Get a job you hate and suffer through life because not everyone can like their job. People need to eat."

You are the biggest two-timing, phony, hypocritical, misogynist, evil, negative, abusive, spinning dj that I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. Why I am ever related to you is the result of misdeeds that I may have done in a former life. If Grandpa P.were alive to day he would be ashamed by the thing you've become. I wish my twin had been born so he could kick your sorry ass back and twice.

The compulsive lying, scheming, overspending, bitchy, snotty, social climbing, cheating, delusional, selfish, hoochie hiding ,asshat you chose to bring into this family has done nothing but made me feel uncomfortable and unaccepted every time my foot crosses your threshold. I'm not up to her standards. I wonder if everyone would like to know that her side of the family gave the most hideous dollar store gifts that anyone with one good eye would have never chosen. All of their checks combined would not have covered the cost of one place setting of her formal dining china. These people were the educated ones that you were so impressed by. I wasn't good enough to be in her bridal party but certainly worthy enough to carry all of the wedding gifts out to the car in the pouring rain by myself. Her family gets treated like royalty at every turn. It's bad enough to see this shit go down once with Uncle OG.Too bad the pattern continues with you. Just absolutely fucking fantabulous. Yeah for me. Hey maybe I should call the IRS and tip them off that the covens business trip in Vegas was a scam just so there can be a " family reunion". Your fridge somehow magically becomes stocked with treasures courtesy of Martha Stewart when the coven of bitches and their brooms land at the airport. Your mother has to pack her own lunch when she vists you.

Our relatives you claim you "can't stand" sure get help from you. Drunken princess can pass out in your guest room every weekend and roll in with the sunrise but if I needed a place to crash well I need permission and a curfew. Funny how she's never around to help out when you need a favor done. I guess trolling in bars takes priority over the vows she made to help your raise your son at the christening. Yet she certainly is appreciated for her trite philosophy of life when she's never had to be responsible for anything other than getting a manicure. Of course her getting fired was not her fault. After all how was she supposed to know that corporate headquarters had access to her corporate email account. This is where she complained how she deserved more because she was sooo much more worthy than her co-workers. I wonder how she'd feel if she knew that the only reason her parents married was because her mother, a high school dropout, had trapped her father, medical school student, by getting knocked up. They elope where they were supported by his parents and his sisters for two years before they knew thing one about the birth of her.

If you are so guillible to think that all of the airlines are plagued by so many technical difficulties when she flies out of town for business that she is "forced" to stay over again and again, you are bigger dumbass than I thought. Most likely the psycho hoochie is up to something skanky and I'm guessing it's the ex-boyfriend that was smart enough to drop her ass before you picked her up on the rebound. Anyone with the sense God gave a duck knows that for every year you're in a relationship it takes six months to recover. She was living with him for six years and had only been broken up four months before she met you. YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THE MATH!!!!! She was over a hour and a half late to a wedding when she lived around the corner from the church. Mom and Dad are the only parents in the free world who do not have wedding pictures from their own son's wedding because your wife didn't think they were worthy enough to contact so they can order from the proofs.

All of the "good friends" you have accumulated are always so busy when you need something done. They sure had things to do when it came time for you to move. Not once but twice. But no it's okay, because I'm a "sturdy girl" and it's my destiny to be your stepping stone. If I knew then what I know now, I would have NEVER covered your candy-ass when you came up broke during the ski-weekend with her sisters in Colorado. When Mom and Dad didn't want to pay for your paperwork, I shouldn't have charged the expense to my credit card and ruining my credit. When I had opportunities in college for internships to help me with my career aspirations, I should have been more selfish and had you take over the reigns when I needed time away from the family business. You wouldn't of had those fancy vacations. When you need paperwork completed for grad school, who trolled over to Whattsamatta U. on her lunch breaks ruining my good shoes that took months to find for a good price. Losing my temp job as well for doing your bidding on that task. I should have billed you for doing your laundry, ironing your shirts, picking you up from the airport, using my store discounts so you could get gifts for your friends and the see you next tuesday girl.

Take a trip on the reality check way back machine to recall the time I drove downtown in the middle of the night with our father against his will so we could pick you up in Old Town and take you to the emergency room of your choice because you were too cheap to take a cab when you had an ulcer attack. Any opportunity that has come my way has been dismissed by you. Now you're partner in crime acts the same way toward me. Somehow all of her job contacts wouldn't be interested in help me. I won't be a "proper fit" for corporate america in that business culture. How about the three years of free on-call child care I've provided for you and her without getting a fucking dime. The mileage I've put on the car hauling groceries, diapers, over the counter medicines because "gee I just didn't have time". Or all of the cash she borrowed from me when you put her overspending ass on a budget. Christmas gifts shouldn't be given back as a New York favor. Coven member 5 gets mugged in NYC and somehow money was wired-transferred overnight. Coven member 6 and her hubby "vacation/babysit" for the week and everything is wonderful. If you don't think your wife didn't slip her broke-ass sister cash when you weren't there you are in deep need of removal of the rose-colored glasses that marriage counseling has brought you. I need help moving. Your response is "You're on your own". My car needed a jump start. "You figured it out".

When our mom expressed her concerned to you about being ill, why didn't you take her to see her doctor? You dismissed her concerns. You convinced our father of the same thing. There's nothing wrong with her. She's just getting old. I was the lone voice who said "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG!!!". I may not have the post-grad degrees but at least my instincts work. When our mom was in the emergency room, you blew her off to attend a wedding of your wife's relatives with her mother. I guaranfuckingtee that your fugly wife would have not done the same. You are going to live with the fact that your mother was at STAGE THREE of her ovarian cancer battle when it was discovered in that hospital. YOU POMPOUS ARROGANT FUCKER!!!!!!!! Who the hell was the sole caregiver? Who has stepped up to the plate for the past three years? Through chemo sessions,staying at her bedside while she was in the hospital, changing her colostomy bags, helping her put on her wig when her hair fell out, giving her meds, and discovering hear hearing loss. My only wish is that your son will be able to find his way despite the upbringing from the likes of you two.

You have made me feel like crap for the very last time. I have held my tongue for sooooooooooo long. I have kept the secret that would have devastated our parents. I will tell them on their deathbeds. All bets are off when our parents pass away. I will pray to God to give me the guidance and strength to move the hell away from this domicle of the damned and start over far away from you and the relatives.

Singin' in the Rain

Yippee!!!! Yahoo!!!! It's raining. I knew if I just thought about washing the car, the rain clouds would arise. Imagine if rain clouds were organized like a taxi service.

*Rain Cloud 689 reports to central dispatch, "I have a report of someone thinking about washing their car, Repeat, thoughts about washing a car in the State of Illinois". APB goes out. Red lights flash on and off. Sirens are blaring loudly. Louis DePalma inspired voice comes over a loudspeaker. "RED ALERT". All clouds in the midwest vicinity are to go to Chicagoland area and rain until further notice. All leaves have been cancelled. Go to your designated raining zones at once. Repeat. This is not a drill. "*

Rain is a good thing. As Rosie Greer said in the song ,"It's Alright To Cry", tears are just raindrops on your eyes. I'm not too fond of thunderstorms. At least I'm not in tornado alley. In college, Zelda told me of times that her dad used to take herself and Saffron, her sister, out in the car to chase tornadoes when they were younger and living in Kansas. When we were watching an MTV interview with Steven Tyler ,of Aerosmith, he was able to point out that Tyler was lying about being drug-free. He proceed's to point out all the physical cues that someone is still using. It's hard to believe it's was all that long ago. Remember to try and use your power for good and not evil.

This brings me to the following rant. Apparently the film industry still proceeds it acceptable to poke fun at larger sized women. There's a certain actor who shall be nameless has uttered words that involve making fun of this segment of the population. It's accepted in a well-it's-okay-because-mr. magnetism-condones-it-in the script. Excuse me, Mr. Magnetism to have you do it in one film it's a fluke. But to repeat the same verbal garbage in yet another film, there is no excuse. You justify your independent films and matter-of-factly defend them and I respect that.
But why in the name is all decent and good do you make fun of large women in the commerical films that you make? Did some big beautiful diva finally put you in your place and this is some sort of revenge your dishing out in a number of films? An email to NAAFA may be in order.

Society may call us zaftig, bbw, rubenesque, voluptuous, living large and in charge, brickhouse, more bounce to the ounce, fat, chubby, morbidly obese, pigs, hippoes and others. I think of myself as a human being first and foremost. There are other actresses who are out in the film industry who are to be applauded for proving that being big, beautiful, brainy,and talented does not leave you on the sidelines of life. As well there are women who have drawn a line in the sand and said whatever size I am it's okay. I don't have to mutilate my body through starvation and use plastic surgery to fit some false ideal that a man, who'd never change his physical flaws, came up with in the advertising industry. Thank you Delta Burke, Kate Winslet, Camryn Manheim, M'onique, Margaret Cho, Queen Latifah, Janeane Garofalo, and Emme. As well as authors such as Jennifer Weiner, and others who provide realistic, positive portrayals of living in real bodies.

And so for when the time is right for me to change my outside, it will be on my time, my terms, and for myself.

Wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round

After a many moons of not ovulating, ah the joys of living with PCOS, the drought is over. In honor of this occasion enjoy learning about about myths surrounding menses.
I forgot how bad cramps are. It feels as though someone just ripped out my ovaries, and all I want to do is sleep. Sure I'll go out and be helpful when that's the last thing I want to in this condition.

Bombs went off on buses again in England. An interested question was posed by a reporter on CNN to an English official. The English official goes on to say something to the effect of "well we needed to get back to business as usual". I'm not even British and I was pissed at what he said. Hey, if suicide bombers were able to get through undetected the first time, shouldn't be a red flag that you should close down and revamp? Queen Elizabeth is not going to abdicated her throne and the House of Lords will not crumble if people stay home a few days so the proper measures are in place to ensure their safety. I'm sure the people who lost their lives today would have appreciated it.

Forget the Boogie Man beware of the Phantom Dooker

I ending up watching "Brat Camp". It's an Outward Bound type of boot camp for kids who have problems at home. One the kids decides to take a dump in the wilderness where they are and not clean it up. The therapists/instructors discovered this and they coined the phrase "Phantom Dooker". I was just rofl. The networks decided to blur out the poop. They can show murders, rapes, beatings against people on their programs but not show the poop. I wonder what the consequences would be if they did show it. If anyone is looking for a new screename, a name for their band, or anything else feel free to use "Phantom Dooker".

I've thought about using the name of an award for someone. In order to get the "Phantom Dooker" award, the person or persons would have to be a pretty big weasel. There are many Phantom Dookers in our life. They're the bosses who give you work at the last minute, who've had the project all day. Then there's the staff member who calls in sick five minutes before they're supposed to get to work. If you have the flu, you have the flu from 5am, it's not instantaneous. Or the friend who blows you off for plans for no apparent reason and doesn't call back. Then there's the significant other who expects you to be on call in case their plans fall though. No one deserves to be sloppy seconds. Or the relatives who thinks that you're their personal servant because you've never said no to them. It ticks me off because what is being nice over time can turn you into a doormat in their eyes. Eagerness = sucker.

Oops I did it again.

Good grief.

Well Bush has done it again. He's nominated a man who disagrees with the decision in Roe v. Wade. From various news sources it appears that John Roberts Jr. is a conservative judge. On paper it appears he'll have no problem with the nomination process since he was grilled last year when he took another position.

Grocery lesson #1. - Wal-Mart Instant Cappuccino is not cappuccino. It's more of a lukewarm hot chocolate with an aftertaste of hazelnut or french vanilla.

Part II

Unlike the late great Johnny Cash I haven't been everywhere. My travels have taken me across the state lines and overseas twice. I want to see more of the world. It would be such a joy to see the places I've only read about in books or seen via websites. I know it was Proust who said something along the lines that you sometimes need to see your life thought a different set of eyes as opposed to traveling to find it. I'd like to find out for myself.

Welcome to my world

Hi there!!!

I'm glad that you were able to view in my virgin post. There are not many things that people can lay claim to being a virgin to anymore. As the title says I'm a modern day spinster. I've had my share of dating, proposals, but haven't met the man. I've never been on "Divorce Court" nor do I date guys with baby mama drama. I don't have headaches over who's my baby's daddy or babies daddies are. It's not a good sign when you have more people willing to drive the get away car than be in your wedding party when you're dating mr. potential.

I was raised in the old school fashion. The following mantra was drummed into my head from birth: education-career-marriage-children. There was no changing the order allowed or suffer the consequences.

I'd like to thank the following people who made this blog possible. The local library for the blog class. Todd Dominey for the template.