Never a reason, Never a rhyme.

I'm back safe and sound.Between my last post and me getting there. Mayhem ensued. Of course I couldn't get laundry done today because everyone else had the bright idea ahead of me. Then there was the issue of what to wear. The pants I wore were not the most flattering,I'm afraid.I was not happy about sporting the fupa and the backfat.When I find the sweater I wanted to wear,it decided to have a stain.I finally settled on a cardigan set I had purchased for a job interview but never wore.Here's a first for me, I gave myself a manicure and used a base coat,color, and top coat.Catsmeow was able to calm me down and remind me of my good points.You deserve a medal of honor for helping me get ready via the phone.The speakerphone option is a wonderful invention.I couldn't find a proper umbrella.Then my shoes decided to be difficult to put on.Just as I was about to leave,Fred and Ethel said it's time for dinner.Yeah no.Most likely it was a garlic and onion collision with a baked chicken. Under normal circumstances,I'd be thrilled but I was so freaked that my body would decide to toot and treat the entire theater to noxious fumes.

It was misty out so any makeup I had on was shot to hell.I go to the nearest gas station to fill up.I was so nervous that apparently I jammed the seatbelt so it couldn't move back.Not to mention that Mapquest almost cancelled this date too. FYI apparently Caribou Coffee has kicked it so even though Mapquest may list the location,when you try the number it has been disconnected.Luckily there is this great place on the corner of the intersection of Southport and Addison.I had a gingerbread latte with soy milk or else Dick Van Dyke wouldn't be the only one whistling. Ah the joys of lactose intolerance. Moral story of my hair is that I cannot put my hair up between lights.

I parked and hauled as to the corner.Mr. Potential was just sitting there.Even though I had seen his photo,meeting him was altogether different.We talked about our families,siblings,parents, and how goofy they can be.Even though we come from very different backgrounds,I was very surprised that our mothers had the very same attitude towards their children.I guess the mom handbook must come in several different languages.I was so relieved that he was talkative.One date I had at Border's on Michigan,the guy kept giving one word answers.

Mr. Potential called me to see where I was and I was on the intersection of Southport and Irving Park.Parking was no problem. In fact the Singalong with Mary Poppins was quite different from Singalong with The Sound of Music. With music, there nuns drinking Blue Nun.The theatre wasn't as crowded and this time a little girl won for her outfit as one of the kids.Because of the singalong there is assigned seating.After everyone figured out they could change seats,they did just that. It was hilarious, that we were the only ones in 2 rows.I was concerned that The Music Box was going to shine a spotlight and announce "For your viewing pleasure this evening, I give a couple's first date.". Mr. Potential was a good sport. Not many straight guys would sit through "Mary Poppins". But I did make Mr. Musician sit through "The Sound of Music" when we were at his place. The crowd was very mellow. Once again, I didn't dress up but I have some good ideas for costumes for the future.

Being my usual goofball self, I sang and did the antics.Mr. Potential who I'll now call Mr. Date did make loud remarks when you were supposed to sometimes.But he called himself a party pooper. Keep in mind this movie was his idea not mine. I couldn't figure him out. He kept his hands to himself. Yawned once. Lamented about misplacing his gloves.I'll admit it when he left to use the restroom I checked to see what time it was because my ADHD was acting up. Towards the end of the film, he began to get more active.

A nice surprise was when he offered to walk me to the car. We chatted some more. Then the awkward time. He said he'd call me but I cut him off accidentally. I didn't want it to be the empty promise. I hoped I thanked him for a lovely evening. He gave me a hug. I have no clue what happens next but I did have fun.

On the drive home, I kept thinking,so this is what a normal date with a good and decent man is supposed to be like.No touchy feely with false expectation. No trying to get into my pants for a one hit wonder. I am so proud of myself for not screwing it up too badly.

Back in the saddle again

It's official.Phone conversation has taken place.Time,date,and location have been confirmed.Mr. Potential and I will be at The Music Box this evening, with a prior meetup at a local coffee place nearby.Outfit has been somewhat chosen.I hope my spazziness doesn't wig him out too much.

I'm posting for a number of reasons.Mainly to cover my bases.I'll attempt to contact Catsmeow but just in case I can't get a hold of her, she can read it here.My plan is to post back here within 24hrs. I was going to say by midnight but stranger things have happened before and I wouldn't want anyone to freak.

If I have not posted something here by 6pm tomorrow, I hope someone is kind enough to contact the Chicago Police to inform them of possible foul play.

My drought is over. Watch for locusts marching on Columbus Drive. I hope everyone has a great day. Go Bears.

Black Friday

Originally this was one of the busiest shopping days of the year.It means that this is the day when most stores stop operating from a loss and go into gains. It was to mark the start of holiday shopping. But gone are the days that are portrayed in films such as Shop Around The Corner.

Now stores are open on Thanksgiving.It's not enough to open an hour before the store usually opens. But now corporate retail America has completely flipped it's lid. CompUSA was open at midnight.Local news reported that the one off of Michigan Ave. had a stampeded of over 4k people. Their sheer numbers broke the escalator. Nationally the news featured fights breaking out at several Wal-Marts between customers so they could get lap tops. On the Kathy & Judy show, a woman lamented that she had allegedly stood online in the cold from 9p.m on Thanksgiving 'til a store opened at 5a.m. to get a computer. Because of poor planning from the store, the people waiting in line never had a chance and didn't even get what they wanted.

There is only so much money a person can handle before it becomes a detriment to a person's character.Examples of people who have done nothing but ride on the coattails of their ancestors are Elizabeth Paige Laurie and Paris Hilton.Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins.

This year,I didn't even bother to suit up to shop at the crack of dawn.I had a chance to view ads early and nothing appealed to me as a must have for a good sale price that I needed to be anywhere at the crack of dawn for.After working all of those years in retail, it still feels weird to not be working during the holidays at a store.

At least I'm off of the hook with B.J. and Minnie regarding gifts.Due to my lack of finances,aside from getting gifts for Zach, that is the best I can do. In her drunken haze Binnie let it slip that B.J. and Minnie are having a dinner party tomorrow. I'm not invited nor are Fred and Ethel. I know I'm a embarrassment to B.J. in a lot of ways. That's why he stopped by to hang out today. I know that's why we went to the movies.You know what? I've come to terms with it. It doesn't mean that I like it.

In turkey mishaps,Aunt Imogene suggested to her sister-in-law Rose that she stuff her bird with apples so it would taste sweet. The only thing the apples did was turn her bird black and taste terrible. Nothing like a heaping dose of bad handed help from Aunt Imogene. Bless her heart.

Fred tried to get me to take Ethel out but to no avail. Just as we were about to leave, her upper teeth gave her wicked pain.It was Anbesol and a call to Dr. Penny for a refill.Everytime I see him I want to ask if he's related to 50cent. I know it's bad joke but that's how my mind works.

In adventures with Mr. Potential,a date is being finalized.Because I'm the type of woman who doesn't bail on girlfriend plans for a man, he gets Sunday night.I really need to go find my copy of He's Just Not That Into You.Is it sketchy that he hasn't asked for my number?

Today was the first day that it snowed the kind of snow that sticks to the street. Sillyheart that I am,I pulled a Peanuts move and tried to catch snowflakes with my tongue.The drive wasn't bad at all.But you can tell certain people were freaking out by the way they handled their car.

If you're reading this please remember a friend's step-dad in your prayers.While people were picking each other apart over inanimate objects that in the end mean nothing, she had to race through the Chicago streets to get him to his doctor's affiliated hospital emergency room.Because of insurance weasels, if you go to a hospital where your doctor doesn't have hospital priveledges,the emergency room is required to put you through a battery of extra testing because that hospital has to cover all of the bases to avoid malpractice suits.The doctor says he had a heart attack.No updates as of yet.

Pocketful of Miracles

I can say this was the best Thanksgiving to date. I drove Fred and Ethel over there with virtually no arguing on the way there. I decided to follow Fred's direction part of the way and kept my mouth shut. We could have done without Mr. Joe Ethnic who blocked us when the sign clearly states DO NOT BLOCK INTERSECTION. So I decided since he couldn't see the bird we had in the trunk, he should get the bird with my finger.

We ended having three cans of whipped cream compared to last year when we didn't have any. The food was amazing. Minnie and Binnie added dried cranberries to Stove-Top Stuffing and it was delicious. This years forgotten table item was bread.

Zach was definitely comic relief.After Grandma Ethel gave him chocolate, he was good to go riding around his tricycle in circles around the house.He ended up reading stories to Grandma and Grandpa. It was really precious.However what got on my nerves was how Binnie kept calling Zach a brat within earshot. If I had pulled that crap, Minnie and B.J. would have read me the riot act. Zach is a only child and that's through no fault of his own. After I had had enough, I finally said well maybe when Zach gets a brother or sister,he won't be that way. Minnie responded,"Yes, when and if that happens.". Zing. Because Binnie was boozing it up, she bumped into Zach causing him to crush a few fingers.I didn't like that they were trying to minimize his pain. Ethel told me story that apparently Binnie was telling her other nephew from her sister,Audrey, that he was spoiled and other mean things. This twelve year old decided that he had had enough and he pulled a knife on her.

Fred told stories about all of the famous people he had met when he working at the restaurant across from Whattsamatta U.When he mentioned that he had met Rev. Jesse Jackson,Binnie told us a story of how she was trying to grab a cab and he had taken it from her.

Ethel commented how Binnie had lost weight from the last time she had seen her. That's because Binnie is getting laid on a regular basis. She's dating some random guy.I'm very thankful that she was too sauced to get on my case this year. Apparently they are having some get together on Saturday. Too bad I'm actually going to have plans of my own.

The ride home was very calm as well.After Minnie and Binnie sobered up,B.J. came over and took me to see Walk the Line. Considering my ADHD,this film kept my attention the entire time. Sometimes when I watching films,usually I start to squirm in my seat. The opening scene was completely unexpected.I had no idea Johnny Cash had such a tough upbringing. I totally understood how he felt when his dad made him feel like dirt. One of my ex-boyfriends,Mr. Musician, was a huge Johnny Cash fan.I didn't know that Mr. Cash had toured with Elvis. June Carter Cash gets my vote as saint of the century. Whoever edited the film should be in Oscar contention because it flowed so smoothly. I agree with the PG-13 rating. The film definitely had some life lessons in there. I loved how historically accurate the costuming was done. One of my favorite scenes was when Mr. and Mrs. Carter confront Johnny's drug dealer as he tries to deliver drugs to the house. The performances by Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix are Oscar worthy. Please go out and support this film.

The ride home sparked dialogue from B.J. which was a nice surprise for me. He talked about how no one really truly has it all. Everyone has problems going on behind closed doors. No one can truly be supportive if they are going through rough times. He said he didn't know anyone whose parents were as supportive as the Carters. He didn't believe when I told him I've been witness to such a family.

When I was at college #1,I became friends with a girl named Kate. In fact she was my Secret Santa on our dorm floor.She was valedictorian from her small town high school. We had some great times going to parties. She transferred out to go to pharmacy school.She is not only a pharmacist but she is on the faculty of her pharmacy school. I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with her at her parents place. I don't know what you can call it. Maybe an aura. I have never before and never since been in a house where I had felt so much love given and returned. I was so overcome I cried because it was the first time I had truly felt something that powerful. I know that this was missing from my own home. Regardless of who you were, in Kate's family treated everyone with love and respect. They were good listeners and interested in what you had to say without being judgmental. In fact, I ended up becoming a fan of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman after that weekend. We tried to keep in touch but I dropped the ball. It's one of the downsides of having ADHD.Failure to follow through. But one of the things I love about my friends. I may not seen them for a very long time. When the opportunity presents itself,we are able to pick where we left off as if a day hasn't gone by.

B.J. is concerned about his best friend Legal Beagle Larry. Something is up with him, because B.J. mentioned that Larry never wants to get together anymore. When he tells Larry good news, he isn't supportive which is very unLarry like. When B.J. was having interviews for his residency spots,I asked Larry to help give B.J. a pep talk. B.J. got in where he wanted because of Larry words of wisdom. Also Larry has put on some weight. I sat stunned when B.J. told me the news. I just told him that he needs to be an outlet for Larry to vent.We all go through some rough patches sometimes.It helps if you have someone there to fill in the potholes.

Happy Thanksgiving

Courtesy of www.azlyrics.com I bring you the words to that all time Thanksgiving favorite. The Thanksgiving Song by Adam Sandler.


[Adam Sandler]They wanna hear the Thanksgiving song! All right..
This is uhh,this is the Thanksgiving song
I hope you enjoy it
[Starts playing] Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
[Shout from the Crowd] I love you Adam!
[Adam Sandler] Ohhh, I love you!
Love to eat turkey 'cause it's good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should
'Cause it's turkey to eat so good
[Adam Sandler] That clappin's messing my head up man. I appreciate it.
But I was trying to think of the next line and all I hear is clapping
Here we go...Thanks anyways
Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Let's eat the turkey in my shoe
Love to eat the turkey at the table
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable
Eat that turkey all night long
Fify million Elvis fans can't be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo and turkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey then I take a nap
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say Dynomite
That's right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you and turkey for me
Can't believe Tyson gave that girl v.d
White meat, dark meat
You just can't lose
I fell off my moped and I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven and the buns in the toaster
I'll never take down my Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up in aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate with baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye
Turkey for the girls and turkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Try A Little Tenderness

It said when people make plans that God laughs.I had been looking forward to attending Thanksgiving Eve mass tonight.I just felt the need to go to a house of worship because I have been feeling bitchy lately. Contrary to what I may write, it's not fun being mad.It eventually comes to a head in scenarios such as these.

Ever since I found out about the service I kept asking Ethel if she wanted to go to mass with me.Every time she said,"Well, I don't know. I'll think about it." It's at times like this I see Grandma StarlaAnne's mannerisms.Grandma StarlaAnne was very cruel to Ethel. There was no love lost between that mother and daughter. Unfortunately, the cycle has continued with me and Ethel.

I was so happy when B.J. called to "see what I was up to" (code for: can you please babysit so Minnie and Binnie can go out and trashed) and I mentioned that my plans were to go to mass.I didn't try to change Ethel's decision and went to the store to pick up some last minute things for tomorrow's Thanksgiving meal.

As expected,the store parking lot was very full.I was able to score a Bob The Builder combo book/DVD for Zach.It was an unexpected surprise. When I got back,I told Ethel it was last call if she wanted to go with me. Then she says,"Why should I get ready from now since the service isn't until tomorrow." I was dumbfounded. She knew darn good and well that the service was tonight. I explained that it was tonight and not tomorrow. Then she complained that she didn't have enough time to get ready.

I swear there are certain days I wish she wasn't in front of the TV all of the time. The programming from the motherland is absolutely vomitrocious. Aside from the news and the few plays or old movies shown, the rest of it is just crap. And what really upsets me is that the TV executives making decision are all college graduates. They could work to provide better programming. Instead it's a parade of scantily dressed models who belong in a red light district or Winthrop Ave. and scripts for sitcoms that would could be better put to use lining the bottom of birdcages.

I was about to leave to go get ready and Ethel's eyes started to well up because she wanted to go too.Of course I felt about 1 centimeter small and decided not to go. Instead, I hung out and now have Fred's secret turkey recipe.Deal with that Minnie.

B.J. called back again to see if I had gone to services.I ended up having quite an interesting conversation on the phone. I told him I didn't go because I felt bad that Ethel got the dates mixed up. He thought I should go anyway. I explained how I still felt uncomfortable going to BrandX Church. He still didn't get it. So I provided him the background about how Reverend Meanie has snubbed me during services. Mr. Sermon on the Mount told me that God teaches us about forgiveness. B.J. hoped that I should try doing that with Reverend Meanie. He informed me that Minnie and Binnie ended up staying home because Zach wasn't feeling well. I mentioned to Fred that we are all taking Airborne Formula before we leave to go over there or else it's toddlevirus as a parting gift.

I've been thinking about forgiveness ever since I got off of the phone. I can't remember the verse exactly but it's something along the lines of being slow to anger and quick to listen. I'll revamp it when I find it.Perhaps I'll give it some more thought. It inspired me enough to give Mr. Potential another shot because he asked me out for this weekend. I know what I wrote and I could go back and edit easily. But I'll let it stand.

As all of us go to our designated corners of the country to take part in this eating ritual, take a moment to reflect.Be extra kind to the sales clerks,servers,cashiers, hospital staff,police,fireman and anyone else who has to work on this holiday. Some of them are not getting any additional pay for working tomorrow. They are taking time out their holiday too and not because they want to. I've done my time working on major holidays and no doubt it's a big stinkeroo magoo.

When we are seated at the table,let's remember those who have sacrificed so that we can be here. The Pilgrims took a big risk by coming over to somewhere new and making friends with the Native American Indians. In turn the Native American Indians have gotten the shaft but the saving grace is they are not extinct as a people. Their contributions should be acknowledged and revered.For the native born Americans who feel the need to tell new legal immigrants to go back to your country. Unless you are a Native American Indian and can prove lineage to your tribe,perhaps it's your turn to get on the bus, Gus.

I'm not your stepping stone

Goddamn it to hell. This day just bit the big one. I do this thing sometimes where I wake super early and can't get back to sleep. I'll go eat breakfast and of course Mr. Sandman decides to punch back in. Then I wake up later than what I would have been had I had a normal night of sleep.

B.J. called to see if I wanted to catch a flick. Of course he has no urge to see Walk The Line. Stupid me, slow on the uptake of cheating spouses. Ouch. Moving on, he asks me if I could babysit so he and Minnie can visit her friends The Newlywedsfreshfromhoneymoon. I agree and reorganize my day to fit them in. After picking up prescriptions for Ethel I head over there. The traffic was God awful. To the person driving the electric blue speckled Honda. Hey asshole, use the fucking turn signal if you're going to weave in and out of traffic like that. Wussy person must have seen my face because the last time they pulled it, they used a turn signal.

When I finally turn up,Minnie informs me oh hey they really don't need me but could I stay because she needs to get some work done. YOU CONNIVING LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR BRAINS!!!!! You KNEW Goddamn good and well that B.J. wasn't well enough to go out from this morning. Common courtesy, would have been to CALL me BITCH and tell me about the change in plans. I am so FUCKING sick of this I cannot begin to tell you. She's a total planner about everything. But I'm supposed to be afterthought. One of these days you're going to be stuck for a sitter. On the day that karma decides to whack it out of the ballpark, I hope it was worth it.

Oh just in case anyone sees a broom on their radar screens circling Midway Airport, don't be afraid. It's just a member of the coven coming to town for Thanksgiving.

I hung out with Zach just the same.I explained what happens on Turkey day. He got all excited and shared the good news with his dad.I did feel kind a sad.He's about to outgrow watching The Teletubbies. When I told Zach, I brought a tape of them with me, he was so happy. But Minnie retorted,"Boo to The Teletubbies.They're yucky. Boo". I thought,"What a coincidence, that's exactly how I feel about you.".

I noticed that she purged some of Zach's toys. I'm not saying hold on to everything like a pack rat but I notice that all of the coven's gifts are still there. Another thing that has annoyed me to end and I've never brought up. When pregzilla registered,Ethel and I bought her the industrial strength stroller and a pricey portable travel playpen. The stroller has been put to good use. The expensive playpen? I've never seen it around ANYWHERE. Most likely it was regifted to one of her more snotty friends. I am not her personal gift service. And I still haven't gotten my ten spot yet.

Another thing,I asked him if he was excited that Aunt Binnie was coming for a visit. He corrected me. He told me that her name was not Aunt Binnie but ethnicnameforaunt Binnie. Oh, I see. I'm supposed to be Just Starla and the rest of the coven is supposed to get titles. Bullshit. When she remembered to send out Zach's birthday party invitation,we are relegated to the relatives party. On the other hand her sisters and mom are going to his actually party with his classmates. Zach was telling me that Aunt Ginnie is his sister. I asked him who said this. He said his mommy told him. Unbelievable. I had to break it to him and explain that if he wanted a baby brother or a baby sister that his mommy and daddy would have to make him one.

When I asked Zach where the books I gave him last week were,he said he didn't know. My disdain came through when I said, "I hope your mommy didn't throw them out too".
I know I was wrong but you know what my days of me putting up on a happy face and being Miss Cellophane are winding down.

There is not enough alcohol in the free world to drown out this dreaded freight train of a holiday approaching.I wish I didn't have be the sober driver. God help me.

It's a hard rain that's gonna fall

I've been trying to think of something witty for my title. There's nothing witty about what happened. I haven't told Ethel or B.J. about this. The weekend started innocent enough. Another last minute trip for Fred to go to the doctor. I had no problem with it. I put a book in my bag, got dressed, and went to the car. I should have known I was in trouble when I reminded Fred that he forgot bring his notebook to the car. He said he didn't feel like going back to get it.

On the drive there, Fred gave me a different route to get to the office. Driving with Fred, is like having your own GPS system, except it stays on high volume for the entire trip.He's memorized every route number on the roads for the state.For some reason, he wanted to go get me coffee before we went inside. I thought this out of character considering how picky he is about coffee. He wants to go to the local McDonald's near Dr. Cousins office. He gives me directions and I follow them exactly. Ten minutes later, there's no McDonald's to be found anywhere. He insists I turn into a strip mall and wind around it. It's still not to be found. I get back on the main road to get back to Dr. Cousins' office. He doesn't tell when to turn and I miss it completely.

When I realize this and tell him, he just loses it. He lashes out and starts screaming at me that this is my fault, what a screw up I am, etc... How if I hadn't of wanted coffee we wouldn't be in this mess. This is where I lose daughter of the year award. I yelled back at him. I tell him that it's not cool to yell at me while I'm driving. I didn't call up the home office in Oakbrook and ask them to hey please move one of your franchises so that Fred can look like an jackass.He swears up and down that he'll never drive with me anywhere.

When I drive up to the entrance,I tell him to get the hell out of the car.I sat in the parking lot and it hit me.This is the first time,I've had a Alzheimer's episode with him. Before I start getting flamed for making a mountain out of a molehill, his mother died of it.Genetics don't lie. What's worse is that he and his doctor don't want to do the test for the Alzheimer's gene. Fred doesn't want to know. I'm beside myself with grief.

In the waiting room, Fred is on.He's chatting it up with the other people in the motherland tongue. He's quite the charmer to anyone in public. It's behind closed doors where his dark side comes out. When it's our turn to see Dr. Cousins,I'm the fall guy. The visit is pointless because Fred did not bring his insulin measurements like he supposed to. The last time I tried to make him do it, he threatened to throw me out with just the clothes on my back. I know he's cheating on his diet. The numbers fluctuate and I know that consistency is the goal. Because he has a waiting room full of people in to see him before he takes off for Thanksgiving break, I can't tell him what happened without Fred minimizing it.

The fingerpointing to me continues when he asks about Ethel.He seemed annoyed that I couldn't remember the amount of dosage that she took for a particular medication. I wasn't aware that I needed a pencil for the scantron test. I have it written down and it's on the fridge for easy access. Dr. Cousins order that bloodwork is in order for Ethel.

At least the ride home was decent.I tried to shake off the bad day,by watch Bridget Jones The Edge of Reason. I can't believe Helen Fielding approved of such a crappy screenplay that caused this film to be such a stinker. The lesbianism replacing the mean girls mind games was so out of character for Bridget Jones. They should have stuck to the book. There was a reason it sold ookabillion books. You can't really blame the actors. After all, there wasn't much there to begin with.

When will you realize Vienna waits for you

Well in true Murphy's law form, I got my hair done and a manicure. Now I have nowhere to use it. The advice I could have used two weeks ago, I just got today.

I ventured out of my comfort zone and went to the south side of the fair city to get a copy of the police report.Witchypoo at 311, tells me that I need copy of Fred's driver's license and a written letter from Fred giving me permission to pick up his paperwork. He takes 2 days to get back to me.Finally on my beauty day, he decides to get his ass in gear.

Then it took forever for me to find the informational report number from the report because I misplaced it.Following that,I misplace the car keys.For further comedic pleasure the house keys decided to get into the act.Like clockwork, I'm about to leave the house. It's a Minnie request to get Zach from preschool and pick up some groceries. She is unable to because she has a deadline. Of course add that to the list.

I really need to find my winter gear because it is winter in Chicagoland. Easy readers nothing says cold like the phrase wind chill factor before it.I begin my descent to the expressway.Hokey smokes it is all torn up and busy in the middle of the afternoon. It really wasn't that bad but I wish my day had started sooner. The directions for Mapquest actually worked out for a change. For some reason the last turn is the opposite of what it says but I was able to turn around and get back on schedule.

Wow has the neighborhood changed since "The Cell" opened and the new police station went in nearby. I felt comfortable in the surroundings. Suprisingly no one bothered me. It's standard to get one stranger catcall of sorts. I fell in love with the different brownstones. Parking was just awful. On my third go around I found a spot. I'm embarrassed to say the walk from the car to the station gave me a work out. When I got inside, it seemed easy enough. I filled out the paperwork and waited for my turn while reading "Tuesdays With Morrie". An hour and plus later they finally get to me. I go up there to collect the paperwork and I give her the papers the lady on the phone said to bring with me. The clerk took one look at me and must have thought I was nuts. She told me it wasn't true. Grrrr. Stupid 311 lying lady.

After I left I decided to take a different route back B.J. and Minnie's. I went through I.I.T. because the entrance to 55 was closed for construction. I was very impressed with the new construction and passed by places I had only heard of like The Cotton Club. South Michigan Avenue has certainly gone through quite a makeover since I was there. The drive felt very comfortable. I was at ease. Cruising on Lake Shore Drive was just cake. I was floored when I went through Uptown. I couldn't believe the changes.The mexican take out place that used to be next to The Green Mill was replace by The Broadway Grill. If The Green Mill wasn't there, I think I would have panicked.

I tell B.J. I'm leaving Pop's car key's in case where I parked is a bother to his neighbor.Asshole makes me repark the car. Hey wiseguy I doing you a favor remember.
I take Minnie's car to go get Zach. Guess what easy readers? No fucking gas in the tank. I guess as a smug married she doesn't have to worry about such things. I had to spend money out of own pocket. Just dandy.

Zach's school must have something going down. Today was the first time that I was asked for i.d. to pick him up. During free time, Zach was on the floor underneath some desks. The first thing he tells me that his mommy said that I'm supposed to take him to Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah right. I can't believe Minnie and B.J. forgot to send him to preschool with out gloves. He is definitely outgrowing his carseat as well as his winter coat.

On our way from the parking lot to the grocery store, a little girl was admiring a grocery cart where the front is shaped like a kiddy fire engine car. Her mom was trying to get her to go so I go get it for Zach. I thought how cool of her mom to let her have that dream of driving a fire truck. I can guarantee to Ethel would not have let me have that dream as a kid.

Once inside, it was a blast. Zach was embarrassed because I was a little loud in trying to find the babywipes. I'd check on him every so often. I asked him what was he thinking. He says,"Let's see what's on sale". I just about died. He felt like such a grown up when he was able to pick up the hot sauce bottle off of the shelf.

When I get there and I give her the receipts, I only got half of the money what was owed me. Turn about is fair play I say. I explain that I need to get to the Student Salon before they close. Minnie must have been possessed by the Holy Spirit because she said go ahead and get pampered. I haul ass to get there. Courtesy of cell phone magic I called first to make sure I could get in. They took me.

For a single color process for long hair and a manicure it was $35.00. I was on such a high from being relaxed that I actually left Student Salon without my hat and gloves.Luckily someone had found them and I got them back. Dinner was courtesy of Taco Bell.

I admit I was disappointed that he broke our date. I'm just numb.As online pal told me,"Be who you are,if they don't like it then it's just wasn't meant to be".

P.S. It's your loss buddy.

It's not easy being green

I believe I have set a new record. The category. How quick can I put my foot in my mouth to before said date and cause it's cancellation.The answers is 3 days beforehand. I should just pack up my bags and head to a convent. Bill Murray's sister Nancy doesn't look worse for wear.

It's no fun being one step behind everyone else.Maybe it was a mistake to put myself out there.No, I take that back. Men can have every single fucking flaw in the free world and women are supposed to overlook them. On the flipside, women have more than three flaws and men somehow are able to have some kind of get-out-jail free card. WTF is wrong with this? I am so tired of having to explain myself. I guess I should consider myself lucky that at least I didn't show up and get humiliated in front of people so they could whisper, "Aw the poor old fat lady got stood up". Whatever. Feel free to keep a low profile. Meanwhile I can say what I really think about you.

Anyone who blows through a six figure trust fund while boozing it away at grad school deserves everything he gets. You put yourself in that hole and pissed away a great opportunity anyone else would have given their right arm for. Your drinking and driving was selfish and if you hurt anyone, you need to make amends. You have to go to meetings. Way to handle your business. If your parents weren't lawyers, your pretty boy ass would have been butt-fucked the minute the lights went out in jail. And attending more than 2 in patient treatment centers is too much for me. You were always evasive.You always gave more details than necessary.And I like a glass of Merlot from time to time and a whole bottle when with friends. It is not my lot in life to be a helper to a alcoholic. My time being the good enough to be a friend but not to date is over. You can be all sensitive but I'm supposed to walk on eggshells. Hell fucking no. Using the I'm in research line as a job description is total bullshit. Also you were using a thesaurus when you communicated with me? No one speaks that formally unless it's on C-Span. I may not have graduated from Smarty Small College but I have a Bachelor's just the same. Enjoy your time in waspy burbland. Go be Lance Romance with someone else.

You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

"The Constitution does not guarantee a right to an abortion"- Judge Alito

You don't have to go home but I hope you do not end up on the Supreme Court. I don't care if he claims that this statement was written when he was trying to get a job with the Reagan administration. I know that you have to spin information on cover letters and resumes to best suit your audience. But when you add that and his previous remarks while he was on the bench in Pennsylvania, how can you not notice the red flags on his claims he wouldn't reverse Roe vs. Wade decision? The elephant in the room is scary.

Along with this lovely prospect is the one regarding the Medicare drug program. Good grief, how many plans do you need? This shouldn't have to be as hard as it is. Having to read up on this reminds of when I was applying to colleges and having to narrown down my choices.Just another example of the government throwing busywork at something that should make common sense.

I don't agree that certain prescriptions are not accepted in one program versus another. They are no better than the insurance companies who dictate which doctor a person can or cannot see or which condition should or shouldn't be covered. In one job I had to pay out of pocket for medical expenses for a doctor I had been going to for years because insurance company x said she wasn't in the system. Hey Sherlock, it should be my choice who I say and not yours. And for preexisting conditions, why should someone be penalized because they are sick and tell the truth? Unlike the Bush administrations ideas, you cannot pick up ethics in one weekend like a pair of socks at a store.In a shocking turn of events, B.J. actually called and offered to help pick out a plan for Fred and Ethel.

I know I'm late coming to the party regarding the opinion to columnist Maureen Dowd. Some response have been quite harsh.Until I read it for myself, I won't comment. All I can give is my spin on things in my situation.

Do I need a man to complete me? No
Have I dated jerks and missed the red flags? Yes
Have I worked so had that I've missed opportunities to get social? Yes
Is life harder when you don't have a support system in place? Yes

To be single and just have to take care of yourself is one thing. However when you are single and are thrown into a position in having to care for an elderly parent(s) that wasn't in your game plan initially, it is very tough to do by yourself. Also is the extra challenge of living with them. Yeah try and have a life that way and get back to me for comment. I have seen several women who were put in this position. Their end result is that while their parents didn't die alone,these ladies now are without any support. They sacrificed their time for their parents and now are all alone. It is extremely difficult to maintain friendships when you are constantly on call. The married siblings rarely pick up the ball to help. It's so easy for people to say, "You need to take care of yourself and do your thing" Today's letter from AskAmy further reinforces it but I'm at a loss.

An example of my concern happened today. Ethel answers the phone and talks to someone who's number she didn't recognize. Because of her limited English, if an apartment needs to be rented it was agreed that she not answer the phone. The outgoing voicemail message advertises the vacancy as well, so the caller knows to leave a message. But no, she picks up the phone and talks to some random guy who's area code isn't local.Random guy wants to see the vacancy immediately. Instead of saying anything else, she chooses to inform him that she is home alone and that her husband will be in later. He agrees to come in an hour. WTF?? Fred has no set schedule as to when he gets back from hanging with his buddies. I was all set to go out the door to do errands for her and Fred. She tells me what's going on and I freaked out.Not less than 10 minutes later this weasel is skulking around the parking lot. Maybe it's because of my past brush with home invasion but I'm very leery.

In this day and age, she has to be careful. The elderly are such easy prey for any crackpots.I have no problem showing apartments to prospective tenants. But you schedule an appointment. This is not rocket science. But if I wasn't here, who's knows what could have happened to her? God answered my prayers and Fred showed up. He's a piece of work too. He still believes in the gentleman's agreement of a single handshake. He's old school that way. He's very trusting.But he is also living with rose-colored glasses. Everything is a battle. He is always right and I'm always wrong.In the end, it's their name on the deed and my services can be ended at a moment's notice. Nothing like being a at-will employee of sorts of your parents.

Blogger must have put me on display. I had over 20 people stop by. Hello. Don't forget to tell your friends.

'Cause two out of three ain't bad?

Nothing like the change in the weather to put a different perspective on things. Aside from sounding like Kathleen Turner, my cold and cough are doing just fine.


One of the frustrating things for me in caregiving is that Ethel just chooses arbritarily to have me deal with things that she could have easily dealt with herself. Yes I get irritated sometimes because she knows better. Then she doesn't tell me when she really needs my help. I randomly go into her room and discover she's having problems with her attempting to put on her colostomy bag after her shower. She knows that when she's doing things like this that she shouldn't be alone. If she got hurt, I'd held responsible for not being there. The relatives would have a field day with that. How the hell am I supposed to know if she's doing something unless tells me. When I ask her, what needs to be done or if she needs anything, she denies completely. Then after the fact she says she needed a,b,c, done. I'm not a mindreader nor did I a degree in psychic channeling.

The last thing I need to do right now is add another person to my caregiving duties. I've been testing the waters as far dating. I know I can't expect to be as choosy seeing as I'm not perfect by any means. My struggle is with reestablishing certain boundaries.Am I wrong for wanting to date when I don't have it all figured out either? After all water rises to the same level.

It's amazing how certain dealbreakers fall by the wayside as we age. When I was high school, no dating was allowed period.When I was in college, the expectation was that the guy be from the same tribe as me and college educated. After my parents had there brushes with the grim reaper, now it's as long as you love him, it's okay by us. But they as well as B.J. make snide comments about those who've chosen to marry outside of the tribe. I know I will never get their approval with whatever I do. It's just a gimme for me and I have to try and find peace with it.I have try to incorporate my own standards and get back to my true self.

That being said, the following quote that comes from MissNYC. It pretty much says it all.
"Basically I want a good,decent,kind, well rounded man who shares my values, goals, and treats me with respect and love. As well someone who's a good friend, tall, sincere/honest,fun,funny, respects my family, and women in general.Someone I can be proud to call my partner."

Thank you for letting me be myself again

Happy Veteran's Day. For those who gave your lives, you are not forgotten. You are remembered and respected. It's the politicians we can do without. As for the don't ask don't tell thing, throw in a extra parade and let them serve in dignity. There are no atheists in a foxhole.

Most government offices are closed. I didn't think Zach had the day off or we could have gone over for a visit. He just loves his grandpa. On my dad's last visit, He and Zach watched cartoons. Zach played with his grandpa's worry beads. He told his grandpa that he's six.

Well Mr. Potential is local. To quote the ever fabulous Bridget Jones, "He likes me just the way I am." He's even suggested that we go to see the upcoming Harold Ramis film, "The Ice Harvest". It's a heavy drama. I'm not sure whether it's first date material. After all, sometimes seeing a bad film on a date is a precursor for relationship disaster for me. With Mr. Could Have Been My First Ex-Husband, we saw "Dante's Peak" starring Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton. With Mr. Record Producer it was "Galaxy Quest" starring Sigourney Weaver and Tim Allen.

Since there's a eventual possibility of physical contact to consider, I've debated about posting a second blog about my weight struggle. Most of us have at least five or six different blogs in us. A lot of the time most of us don't show our true colors at office. It's "take one for the team" mentality. You're supposed to leave whatever real life issues on the doorknob after you enter. *Poof* It's easy. Yeah right. I thought it was supposed to get easier as you get older. The workplace reverts to a high school mentality of cliques. Along with it are observing others having an edge due to the connections made by their parents, alma maters, and fraternal organizations.
Sometimes it's not what you know but who you know.

I'm dreading interviews. I know for a fact my weight and size will be working against me. I'd be naive not to know that. So many news programs and talks shows have had thin less qualified person vs fat more qualified person go undercover for interviews for the same job. You guessed it easy reader. The thin person almost always gets the job. Not only that, they get access to better opportunities in the workplace once they get there.

An example, one of Minnie's sisters was a big time account executive of a company that was later busted for falsifying records. She was bringing in accounts that were worth one million dollars. But time and again, she was overlooked for promotions. Why? Because she didn't fit the corporate mold that they had in mind. Food for thought, in this case, the woman in question wasn't fat either. None of accounts said, we won't do business with your firm unless you get a makeover. Is it any wonder that plastic surgeons are making money faster than they could spend it?

Myself, I walked out of an interview because I was lowballed on the salary. I knew what the position on average paid. I had done my homework. He said the audacity to say that was the best I could do. I knew had I looked like a stereotypical Lincoln Park Trixie, I would have not only gotten more money but a better position, with tuition reimbursement.

But sitting on the sidelines is no longer an option, it's time for me to get back in the game.

Average Everyday Sane Psycho Supergoddess

I was so ready to write about how thrilled I was with yesterday's win of the Chicago Bears over New Orleans Saints, 20-17. And a little punter shall lead them.

I was going to write about my over the weekend rental of "Raising Helen". Rave about John Corbett. Discuss Kate Hudson acting abilities. Comment on Joan Cusack's incredible ability to deliver deadpan humor.

I was going to ask opinions about my toying with the idea of signing up for the Bataan Death March for writers. Yes Easy Readers I'm talking about NaNoWriMo.

I could dish about a certain Mr. Potential who actually lives in the same state ney driving distance from me. Maybe I will.

Today I hit the wall of being caregiver to all around me. I had to take care of Fred's paperwork because he misplaced it. Next plan of attack was getting Ethel to the oral surgeon for her dental problems. One of the many downsides of surviving chemo is that your teeth are royally screwed with. The poor thing spent the weekend with a swollen jaw. We are very lucky that I was able to switch the appointment to today. What was supposed to be a consultation turned out to be a extraction for Ethel. Too make matters worse they were over an hour late in getting to see her. Then I get an slight attitude from the admin that I was supposed to bring dental records. Gee when I made the appointment on Friday, you could have mentioned it when you told me to bring a copy of a list of her medication and dosages. Somehow I was able to remember that. Never fear easy readers. It came back to her in the form of a disgruntled patient. I'd like to call Tacky Tina.

Tacky Tina owes the office 6k in unpaid dental bills. She goes to the admin and starts pleading to see if the charges can get reduced. Apparently Tina signed a document stating that she was responsible for the payment of services for her child. Mr. Deadbeat Dad, Tina's ex-husband and the name she used to describe him, said he was going to pay half. He is no where to be found and allegedly has left the state. She claims the last time she saw him was when they were at the office for their kid's appointment and were leaving the building. She's really in a bind to say the least. Even if you sign legal document with another person, if your pal bails you get check holding the bag so to speak. Later the admins told me, they tried their best to calm her down. But they were just the messengers.

Perhaps the insurance industry could be removed from the medical field entirely if we just went back to a barter type system for services. Bring the doctors cooked meals, fruits, vegetables, live animals, and cash would work too. Unfortunately, the doctors aren't making as much either. After paying their huge insurance liability bills, one the highest in the nation thank you morons, overhead, etc..the medical experts have less time to spend with patients. The doctor comped us the x-rays because they had an emergency come in and we were very understanding. What were we supposed to do? No one likes to be in pain. Complaining would have made matter worse. We were there anyway and the couch was comfy. The massive amount of reading material was all up to date. Remarkable.

In true Ethel style she complained of aches and pains, but the dental assistant kindly reminded her of her good fortune. She survived cancer.She has family to take care of her. She has a lot more than most people. I almost fell over because I knew Ethel couldn't say a thing to this woman to bring her down. I debated whether Zach would want to see Grandma's tooth. It would have been used as a cautionary tale as to why you should always brush your teeth. But we decided against it.

After receiving the post-op instructions our destination was in rush-hour traffic. I cannot believe some of the complete morons that flew under George Ryan's radar and got licenses. A word to the wise for the jackass that was driving in a obnoxious car, speeding and having to stop at a red light is not going to get you there any faster. Ethel kept complaining about one slow driver ahead of us. I just said I don't want to hear it. As long as we get there on time that's all that matters. What was really frightening was that the slow driver's brake lights were completely out. When I changed lanes and was stopped at the light on Peterson I finally was able to make contact with them. After they found out they said thank you because no one had told them. Good grief, if you had food caught between your teeth, toilet paper on your shoe, or your pantyhose tucked into the back of your dress, wouldn't you want to know?


Because we took so long at the office, there was no time bring Ethel back home . She went with me because I promised Minnie to pick Zach up from pre-school today and babysit until she got home. She was off to another business meeting out of town. In an interesting turn of events, B.J. offered to pick up Zach while we waited for them to get home . Poor Ethel was stuck with an ice pack on her face for most of her visit. But it was actually pretty fun.

Zach gave us the low-down on the toddler set. He sat down next to two little girls at a I'm guessing recess and they told him to go away. I thought, "Damn getting rejected must bite at that age". Too bad it doesn't get any better. He likes his new teachers. We watched Bear and the Big Blue House. He showed me his latest artistic creation. I explained to him that Grandma had a tooth pulled and she wasn't feeling well. Zach tells me matter-of-factly, "She needs to brush her teeth". Then he went through the motions and explained it to her. It was too cute. He thought her dentures in a box were very funny.

After dinner, we watched a movie. I tried to explained to him who Ann Margaret is and how she's from Illinois by way of Sweden. Somehow we got on the subject of age. He asks "what's an age". I said " It's a number that tells people how old you are". Then I ask "What age do you tell people when they want to know how old you are? " Zach answers " I say I'm six". I told B.J. please remember this when he starts trying to get into the clubs with a fake i.d.

Also part of post dinner humor was my creative response to an empty sugar bowl. I go there and it's completely empty. I kindly ask "The next time the sugar fairy comes by tell her to please fill it up". Zach and B.J. laughed their heads off. Was it that funny? Anytime Second City on Wells wants to offer me a scholarship, I'm so totally there.

I tried at least five times to leave so I could get Ethel home. Zach was so sad. He didn't want me to go. He didn't want to read stories. He kept asking, "Could you please play with me?". My heart just sank.There is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. Finally we left for the ride home.

After I got Ethel and Fred situated, she still expected more of me. She wanted me to sleep in her room. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I actually said no. I didn't yell, scream, shout, swear, or anything. I was totally calm believe it or not. I said" I've given to you, Fred, and B.J. all day, and now is time for me" It's not like I was headed to Timbuktu, just to my space. Who knows? Once small step for me one giant leap for caregivers everywhere.

One last thought, I'd like to give a shout out to State Treasurer Judy Baar Topinka on deciding to run in the Republican primary. You go girl!!!!!

Modern Day Worry of a Mean Mean Scribe

Actually I'm feeling a lot more worries than I am mean lately. The anxiety of trying to figure out my next steps scares the shit of me. It's been the cause of several headaches this week. One false move and I'm toast. Job hunting has been frustrating. The jobs I want to go for I'm not qualified for. But I don't want to have to pay a lot for my Masters. Only 25% of most Americans have a bachelor's degree. Shouldn't that entitle you to some kind of discount if you want to go for the gold?

I love a bargain as much as the next shopper. I had an epiphany of sorts in a Wal-Mart parking lot of all places. As I sat in the car, I thought ,WTF did I buy the candy? I didn't need it. It was 75% off. Oooh can't pass up a chance to harden my arteries a bit quicker can I ? I was doing the math in my head trying to justify want expenses versus need expenses. I avoided watching Dr. Phil because I didn't feel the need to watch some lady trying to justify her overspending with her enabling rich husband. The voice-over commercials for this programs sounded too trite on the radio. I thought I was in trouble because I was late turning in DVD's to the library. I still haven't finished watching The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie. No one tell me how it ends. It turns out I didn't owe money but I ended up spending the overdue money on used books. Then I went to pick Fred's prescription and found some other post Halloween deals. I know I need to get anorexic on spending. I'm not even spending that much but the belt needs to get even tighter. Okay get ready for the mean scribe part to enter now.

Dear Whiny Man ahead of me in the checkout line,

If you had bothered to look past your FUPA and see the sign that said "Today please be patient because our new checkout computer system starts today" maybe the clerk would have done his job quicker. No one appreciates it being yelled at when they have no control over the situation. Was it really necessary to pitch a fit over the price of fucking Q-tips? Good god, it's not you're hurting for cash pops. You weren't getting the off-brand. If it's not on sale, either pay or walk away. Perhaps if you did walk more, your endorphins would help curb your crankiness.

Sincerely,
Wanda Waiting in Line.

To the patients who owe B.J. money,

If you can afford to live on the North Shore, go on vacations, pay your country club dues, donate to your causes, and look good, WTF can't you people pay your doctor on time? For the love of God, he went to your house and took care of you when you were sick. It is not like you don't have the money. You all haven't declared bankruptcy. If you can pay for a maid, you can pay your doctor. If he wanted to treat people for free, he would have joined Doctors Without Borders. You cheap bastards are lucky he doesn't send your names to collections agencies or to me. I would picket outside of your homes every day and tell the neighborhood all your business. I should go Pam Zeckman on your rich asses. Penny pinching old crabs ante up and square things with your doctor.

Sincerely,

Boo boo the Bail Bondsman

To NBC,ABC, and CBS,

Would it have been so bad to stop the world of regular programming and just televised the funeral of Mrs. Rosa Parks in it's entirety? There are a lot of people out there who don't have access to CNN . I would have appreciated to have seen some of the speeches and songs in her honor. After all, her actions did change the course of this nation. It's a pity that you all couldn't have put aside your quest to fatten the pockets of your investors to pay respect to the little old lady who just wanted to sit down and be treated like everyone else.

Sincerely,

Perturbed Paula

In honor of Adam Sandler's SNL character "OperaMan", I'd like to introduce "OperaWoman" in response to some other news events.

Oh Tom DeLayo
Is a whinny bono
Wantsa a new judga
Still be a busta
Washing a money
Nota a wortha

Oh Libby lou,
Scooter boy what you do
Go an a leaka
CIA informationah
Send you to pokey
No okey-dokey

Busta Brownie,
you no fashionista
Stuffa you faceah
New Orleans a drowna
People a dyeah
Stupido a go-go

Bushie oh Bushie,
You need a kick in the tushie.
Judge Alito gonna bring a big problema
If he a reservso
Roe v. Wadoe

Ladies and Gentleman. OperaWoman curtsies and bids a fond adieu. Now back to the worrying section of my post.

Another big worry is the holiday shopping season. Black Friday is approaching with a feverish pace. I have to decide pretty damn fast which side of the register I'm going to end up on this season. I really don't want to go back to retail hell but that seems that's where I'm headed. Shopping for Fred, and Zach is fun. They love what you get them. Ethel has never been happy with any Christmas gifts from me. But like Linus,from Peanuts, I still hope the Great Pumpkin will show up and she'll like what I bring her.

It's going to be tough to top my gift from last year to B.J. I gave him a book that I had destroyed of his when I was five. And I had to listen to him drone on and on, year after year, how I ruined his life because he really loved this book. Courtesy of ebay, I found another copy at a reasonable price. Because he was on-call last Christmas, I didn't get to see his reaction. Later he just said thanks. Minnie said he got choked up. On this occasion I chose to believe her. On the other hand, Minnie has very expensive tastes. We're talking Barney and Neiman Marcus tastes. My budget is ValueCity. She ooohs and aahs for effect. Later it's returned, regifted, or given away. I know I shouldn't care but I'm only human.